Storm

How long have I been in this storm?
So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form.
Water's getting harder to tread,
 with these waves crashing over my head.

If I could just see You,
 everything would be alright.
If I'd see You,
 this darkness would turn to light.

And I will walk on water,
 and You will catch me if I fall.
And I will get lost into Your eyes,
I know everything will be alright,
I know everything is alright.

I know You didn't bring me out here to drown.
So why am I ten feet under and upside down?
Barely surviving has become my purpose,
 because I'm so used to living underneath the surface

If I could just see You,
 everything would be all right.
If I'd see You,
 this darkness would turn to light.

And I will walk on water,
 and You will catch me if I fall.
And I will get lost into Your eyes,
And I know everything will be alright.

 And I will walk on water,
 and You will catch me if I fall.
And I will get lost into Your eyes,
I know everything will be alright,
I know everything is alright

Everything's alright
Yeah, everything's alright

 

Storm~ By Lifehouse

This is my Temporary Home

Little boy 6 years old,

A little to use to being alone.

Another new mom and dad,

Another school, another house that'll never be home.

When people ask him how he likes this place

He looks up and says with a smile upon his face...

This is my temporary home,

Its not where I belong.

Windows and rooms

That I'm passin' through.

This is just a stop

On the way to where I'm goin'.

 I'm not afraid becasue I know

This is my temporary home

Young mom on her own

 She needs a little help got no where to go.

She's lookin' for a job, lookin' for a way out,

'cause a halfway house will never be a home

At night she whipsers to her baby girl

"someday we'll find our place here in this world"...

This is our temporary home

Its not where we belong

Windows and rooms

That we're passin' through

This is just a stop,

On the way to where we're goin'

I'm not afraid because I know

This is our temporary home

Old man hospital bed

The room is filled with people he loves.

And he whipsers don't cry for me I'll see you all some day.

He looks up and says "I can see God's face"...

This is my temporary home

Its not where I belong

Windows and rooms

That I'm passin' through

This was just a stop,

On the way to where I'm goin'

I'm not afraid because I know

This was my temporary home

 

Temporary Home~ Carrie Underwood

 

Job 37:6

He says to the snow, 'Fall on the earth,' and to the rain shower, 'Be a mighty downpour.' So that everyone He has made may know His work , He stops all people from their labor. ~ Job 37:6

 

 

If you know me, even just a little bit, you know that I LOVE SNOW! I always have. That is probably because when I was little my mom would take me outside and play in the snow with me. We would make snowmen, have snowball fights, and she would pull me around the yard in a sled. After that we would go inside, warm up and have hot chocolate. I loved snow days. Those are some of my most cherished memories.

 

Now as an adult, I still love snow days. One day a couple years back I was shoveling snow off the driveway. I had been going through a rough time in my life and just used that time to speak to God and allow Him to speak back to me. He gave me a vision. He told me to look all around me and look where the snow was. It was everywhere. Every crack, crevice, nothing could hide from it. He told me that that was how he was. He wanted  to come into my life and be a light in every crack, crevice, and place that I was hiding from Him. That he could heal me and make me new so that I wouldn't have to be scared anymore.

 

Another thing He showed me was that no matter how busy we were, He could stop the world from all their busyness to come back to focus on Him. If you allow Him. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in life and our busy schedules that we only leave a minute for Him here or there. Or even too busy that the time spent with our families is very structured and few or far in between. He can stop the busy world, cancel all your plans, including school and work, to remind you who made you! God gives us a forced break. One that we may not have taken had He not intervened. And you know what? It is just what we need. Quality time with family, Him and our loved ones.

 

I know there may not be many people like me out there who love the snow. And you know what? Thats ok. I know that God gave me this special vision and that it is a part of Him in me. I just wanted to share it with you in hopes that maybe it would give you a different perspective. Before you get mad about all the things you don't get to do, or the money you won't get from going to work, or anything else, maybe you need to think of it as God's love extending to you. Giving you something you didn't even know you needed. Rest. Time with family. Refocus. Him.

 

Happy snow day! :)

Fight

How many time have you heard me cry out "God please take this"...- Need you Now by Plumb

I'm tired I'm worn, my heart is heavy. From the work it takes to keep on breathing.....I cry out with all that I have left.....let me know the struggle ends...... I wanna know a song can rise from the ashes of a broken life..... I'm worn, I've lost my will to fight.... -Worn by Tenth Avenue North

Winter has come back again, feels like the season won't end......I've got a busted heart I need You now.....Hold onto me, don't let me lose my way. Hold onto me.- Busted Heart by For King and Country

I wanna be so far gone in You, so far nothing else will ever do. - So Far Gone by Thousand Foot Krutch


These are some lyrics to the songs that I have been listening to a lot recently. Songs really speak to me. There are always those songs I hear numerous times, but at just the right time it begins to speak to me. I cry out to God and say "that is exactly how I am feeling". The past month has been a battle for me. As I grow closer to God, He continues to bring out areas in my life that I need healing in. While that is great, it is not so great for the people in my life that I hurt and push away in the process. With God's grace and stength, these great friends and hands of God, have stayed with me and helped my push through. They have been there during the days of mass text messages I send for help, prayer, and comfort. For the hours long phone calls when I feel I can't handle anymore. Through the arguing, and the cry of my heart when I felt I lost all hope. Through the words I have said to hurt them because I am hurting. I am not proud of these moments. But unfortunately, they happened. To make this more clear to you, I am struggling with anger and insecurity in my life. When I hit rock bottom about a month ago, I really started seeking God's help, and guidance. I couldn't live like this anymore, and I was not getting better. I was struggling to feel cared about, accepted, and loved. I broke down, but in doing that I found my will to fight again. I never thought I would get through this struggle and mindset. But God had different plans. He placed people in my life, my church family, to be there for me to talk to, lift me up in prayer, and speak words of truth into me. This is where I started looking up. I realized that the only way out of this mindset was to fight. Fight to be who God was trying to get me to be. Fight to be who God originally made me to be before the hurt and lies of my world got ahold of me.

I have again started praying with a very good friend. She is wise, and even when it is probably hard for her, she listens to the cry of my heart. God has begun to show me during my prayer time the lies that I have been believing, and the past hurts that have entangled me from being free and forgiving. I have learned that a father is a big part of a child's security. When I was little I pushed and pushed my boundaries. That's what kids do. However, my dad didn't push back. He allowed me to do and get what ever I wanted. That was how he showed me love. That is now the distorted view of love that I have. My dad was not a bad person, he just didn't know the best way to be a parent. But now I understand why I struggle with feeling secure, I wasn't really ever fully secure and I am still pushing to get it.
Today I am doing better. Way better than I thought I would be doing, but that is because God does so much more than we can ever imagine! I have a different perspective on the way I was feeling, and I have the will to see it for what it is and fight against it. Every day God shows me something new and how I am making progress. I am so thankful for this because I was going down a horrible road. Once again a Father came to rescue His daughter. Even though it hurt, He heard the true cry of my heart. He knows I want to follow Him and do His will. In order to do that I need to bring light to the dark areas of my life.

I do not want to go through and tell you everything God has shown me because that would take a while. I am sure there will be other blog posts later about more truths He has given me. However, I know that you may be out there struggling with the same thing, or even something different. That is ok. God is still with you. I just want to encourage you that even if you are at rock bottom, that is really where the healing starts. Sometimes you need to hit that spot where you feel you have nothing left. This allows you to completely give up and let God take control. I know it's hard. I know some days you will feel great, and other days like you have done nothing. Do not believe the lies. Just look to God and pray. You will not be down forever. When you mess up, fess up and clean up. A good friend has told me that. Even if it feels like you do it every day, keep on pushing. Fight!

What's your Ellsworth?

Ellsworth by Rascal Flatts

 

Grandma burned the biscuits,

 nearly took the house down with it.

Now she's in assisted livin',

we all knew that day would come.

We knew she was too gone to drive,

the day she parked on I-65.

Found her on the sholder cryin',

she didn't know where she was.

It's like her mind just quit,

oh but bring up grandpa its like someone flipped a switch...

 

A front porch light in a blue Desota,

couple straws in a coca-cola,

you can see it all goin' down.

A handsome boy in army greeen, a tear on his face,

down on a knee, shaky voice, a diamond ring,

she'll put you in that town.

Tomorrow she won't remember what she did today,

but just ask her about Ellsworth, Kansas, 1948.

 

She takes out his medals.

A cigar box of letters.

Sits and scatters pictures,

black and whites of days gone by.

We started losing her when she lost him.

But to hear her carry on,

you'd swear she's 17 again.

 

Football games the leaves a cracklin',

walkin' her home in his letter jacket,

you can see it all goin down.

A perfect on a front porch glider,

saying goodnight for the next three hours.

Her tired eyes glow wild and bright,

when she talks about that town.

Tomorrow she won't remember what she did today,

but just ask her about Ellsworth, Kansas, 1948.

 

While the world is fading all around her,

sharin' a sundae at the counter,

he's goin on an on about her,

but she's right there right now.

Tomorrow she won't remember what she did today,

but just ask her about Ellsworth, Kansas, 1948.

 

 

     This is another song that I have loved ever since I heard it a couple of years ago. Everytime I hear it I am just moved about what it shows me. Just picture an older lady being lost in this world because her mind is starting to escape her. She is losing her memory, and is not able to do the things she used to do. She is frustrated, upset, and feels like a burden. But once you mention the love of her life, she is right back in those memories and she can tell you stories of their lives together for hours. She is happy and back to what she knows. That is just beautiful to me.

 

     Sometimes it just reminds me of the times I used to ask my aunt to tell me stories of what life was like for her and my mom when they were growing up. I have always been one to ask a lot of questions about the past, and the "old times". She would usually laugh at me and just say, ''oh mija, I will sit down with you someday and tell you everything''. However, she did not get the chance. She passed away a year ago. I know that if my grandma was still around I would have asked her a lot of these questions too. But she was taken to be with God when I was 10. I have just always loved old stories like this song mentions.

 

     Another way this song makes me think is "What's my Ellsworth?". When I feel lost in life, like I am failing, not doing things right, trying so hard, frustrating my self or others around me, where do I go? A place, frame of mind, or memory where things were better, happier, and where I can get encouragement. Just something to focus on for a while so I can gather my thoughts. To bring me back up again and show me that things won't stay bad forever. Just a mood changer so that when I get back to reality, I am energized and ready to push through the hard times.

     I know that I have a lot of good things in my life that I can focus on when I feel I am struggling and getting lost. Jesus is a big one. I know that I can think back about all the things he has shown me, brought me through, and told me over the past years. When times get hard I need to focus on the good things for a while, get my mind right, and come back ready to tackle the storm put before me.

     I don't know if this song speaks to you in the same way it speaks to me. If it doesn't, that's ok. But I just want to ask you, what is your Ellsworth? What or where can you go to give you the strength and encouragment to tackle the storms in your life? I don't suggested you stay there forever, but I bet it would give you a good escape just so you can come back to run your race and finish strong.

 

    



Feed OKC

This Thanksgiving I was able to spend in Oklahoma with my brother, Ray. Every year on Thanksgiving he and his girlfriend volunteer at the rescure mission. I was glad to be able to join them this time! My mom, brothers, nieces and I were informed that each year there are homeless people, people who are low on income, or even people who have no family and no where to go who come and eat at the rescue mission on Thanksgiving. While I knew that those were the kinds of people who went to rescue missions, it was a real eye opener to actually see those people and be involved. I mean there are things we hear about even today that saddens our hearts, but we just hear about it. It can be more impactful when we actually SEE it.

All of the families who came to volunteer were told that we would get one person at a time at our table. We were to get them a drink, plate of food, dessert, and interact with them. Basically just be the family, and love that they may not receive this year otherwise. Even as the first few people walked in the door, I was having second thoughts. I did not think I was going to be able to do this. There were tears brimming my eyes each time I seen someone walk through that door all alone. Where was their family? If they had one, why would they leave them to eat Thanksgiving dinner all alone at a rescue mission? What had life dealt them that they felted unloved, unvalued, and unwanted? Did they know God? That He loved them?! Do they have a time in their life when Thanksgiving wasn't like this, and did they have fond memories of the good Thanksgiving from their past? I couldn't let myself dwell on these questionss for long or I certainly would have started to cry. There was a man there who touched my heart. He was not at my table, but I watched him at another table. There was something different about him. He didn't seem to have full cognative ability, and I just imagined that if he walked down the street alone people may pick on him.  All I wanted and prayed was that God find him a home and that he was ok even though he was alone. To me he did not look able to care much for himself, so I prayed for God's protection over him. I knew He had a special place in God's heart. I was fortunate to talk with two people who came through my table. But do you know how hard it is to try to make converasation with someone who may not have a family, place to live, or job? I did not want to ask the wrong questions. With God's help I was able to make conversation with the two people and it was truly a blessing. The man I talked with was a war veteran and he lost his family to anger and drinking. He was trying to get his life back on track and fight for his marriage.

It was amazing how much I was able to talk about God at this dinner. I could just feel His presence and I know that I was blessed more than I was a blessing to others. I am glad that God allowed me the opporunity to be His hands and feet to these people. One man who tried to come to our table did not make it. My nieces said that when they first went to get him he said he did not want to come afterall. When they reassured him it was ok he started to follow them to our table. However he took one look and just turned and walked away. He couldn't do it. I tried to followed him with the food because I still wanted him to have it even if he wouldn't sit with us, but when I made it outside I couldn't find him. I was sad that he felt he was undeserving of the Thanksgiving dinner and that he had been through so much he couldn't sit down. It just makes me wonder what triggered him. Maybe it was the fact that we were a family and he didn't have one. Or he has a family he couldn't provide for. Or he may have kids the same age as my nieces and it pained him to see them. I don't know for sure, but there are people like that not just in Oklahoma, but all over the world. How many times do you see people and wonder what their life is like? What are the going through? You notice them and you just sense that something is drawing your concern for them. God calls us to be His hands and feet. But yet we still notice that hurting person and move on. Too afraid to say anything. But I am like that too. I see people I want to help, or seeing them tugs on my heart, but I am not sure of the step to take. I have decided during those times I will just pray about it. I will bring it to God, let Him know I am willing to do what he asks, and pray for His guidance. I am sure at times He may tell me I am not able to help that person, but praying for them is just as helpful.

The opporunity I had in Oklahoma was an eye opener and made me thankful for my family during this season. I pray that God uses it to mold me into the person He wants me to be. I never want to forget my experience of serving the less fortunate on Thanksgiving because it reminds me of the value everyone has to God. I pray that you are able to help people you see in need when God asks you to as well. It is hard, but think of how they feel. Alone. Worthless. Unloved. No one should feel that way, but mor importantly no one should have that actually be true of their life. You never know, your friendly gesture could be just what they need.

A Christmas tradition

 

For as long as I can remember, every year around Christmas my mom gives me a new ornament for our Christmas tree. This has become one of my favorite Christmas memories and traditions that I will hold on to forever and still look forward to. It is something special that my mom has started for me and I am so glad that she did. I will not picture every ornament she has given me because that would be a lot of pictures! However here are a few.:) She has given then to me pretty much my whole life so I can decorate a whole Christmas tree with just my decorations! I was not even able to put them all on the tree this year!

 

 

 

 

The candy cane and ginger bread man were a couple of my very first ornaments. My dad spent a lot of time in his workshop and my mom asked him to make me some wooden ornaments while she painted them. These are special to me since they made them together. 

 

 

I was just taking time putting on the decorations today and thinking about how much they mean to me. I wanted to share something special that goes on in my life this Christmas season. What goes on in your family that warms your heart this time of year? If you can't think of anything then I pray that God opens your eyes to something you have maybe taken for granted throughout the years. Or because it is a yearly tradition it has lost its meaning. I challenge you to find it, and meditate on the warmth that this season brings. The love of family, friends, and of course the love that God showed us through His son, Jesus!