God ALWAYS provides...

Last September I took Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace class. I dont know if you have heard of it before, or have taken it, but it was just what I needed. I am not saying that some people don't do well with budgets on their own, but some people, like me, need help and a little push. Being a full time student, and working as much as my school work allows, I didn't think that I would be able to keep a budget well with not much income. Plus I was not excited to see how much "fun money" I would not be getting anymore. Of course, God proved me wrong! Not only am I doing well with my budget, I am still able to do most of what I want to do or get things I like. I have cut back on spending some because I did need to be more disiplined, not that I was a crazy spender, but just felt it was what I needed to do. I was living on working two days a week last semester and the money I was earning with the military. But God gave me more then enough for my bills, and even more with Christmas coming up! I was super blessed and realized how much God was showing me that HE will always provide me with what I need and more!
Well, last week was our annual business meeting at our church. Our pastor Gordon was talking about how we need to take the next step with our giving. We have been "living" paycheck to paycheck with our church bills and have not come out on top with much. He challeged us to talk to God and pray about a goal amount to give by the month of August. With this on my mind it came time for the offering. I know how much I had in my God budget to give, however this was not the amount God told me. I do what our pastor says and "give when you recieve" and I am very pleased with myself for that. I add it all up and by the beginning of the month I write a check out for the amount I accumulated. This time, God wanted me to give more. I heard Him tell me an amount and I pushed it aside, thinking it was just me. A little later the same amount was still in my head as I was filling out the check. A couple in our church have shared a little about their finances lately and how God has come though. With that in mind I told God "Ok God, I dont know where the rest of this money is coming from, but if You are telling me to do this I am ready for the blessing and to see what is going to happen." I trusted in God, and wrote out the amount. Earlier this week while I was budgeting, I was looking at how much money I didn't have, what bills needed to be paid, which paycheck was coming in next. I went online to check my account balance again, and it had went up! I had gotten some money last Friday. I did not know it was coming so soon, and I did not think it was going to be the amount it was. I just looked at it in awe. The awesome thing is that I seen that right after the money was put in my account, my offering check went through. PERFECT timing! I just thought to myself "Thanks so much God!" That is not all, you know how God likes to provide us with more, just to show us He loves us?! :) Well back to my budget. I have been saving for tax time. I work at the daycare at my church, and because of that, we dont get certain taxes taken out. You have to ask for more to be taken out yourself. For the past three years I have owed money. I knew that 2011 would not be any different, but at least this time I was saving up. I dropped my taxes off yesterday and later on that evening my mom got a call from the lady who works them and got my amount. I was getting money back! Again I was thinking Praise God! That means that I get to keep the money I had been saving for my taxes, and getting more! How awesome! God just didnt stop with giving me more than enough money for the offering I wrote, but He also blessed me again.
That just got me to thinking today about how I feel God is telling me "Rachael, right now THIS is where I need you to be." I have applied for 3 different jobs since December, and ironically not one of them has worked out. I havent even received a " We found someone else for the position..." letter. The last interview I had I felt I could have gotten the job, but I didnt really want it. I weighed the pros and cons and I felt I would only be taking it for the money. All the while feeling like I was betrying God's trust, like I thought He wouldn't keep providing for me like He did last semester. I mean surely I would have to be a "big girl" sometime and get a "real" job. And maybe I will someday, when and if God wants me to, but I know that it's just not now. It is the most amazing feeling I have! I just feel like I can be happy where I am now. I know THIS is what God has for me and I love it!
One more thing, I must say I do feel like for me something is coming. I dont know what, where, when, but I know that what I am living right now is preparing me for something in the future and I am excited to see what it is. I also know that God is working in my friend's lives as well. Over the last couple of months I have seen changes in them, and I am so happy for them!! I am so thankful that God has put them in my life, and I feel we are all discovering ourselves together and living for God. God provided me with the friends I needed as well as everything else. You know who you are ladies, and I am so BLESSED to have you in my life. Words cannot discribe how much I love you and am excited for what God has for you. I am so glad we are growing and challenging each other!

My Reflection

Hello blogging world! I never thought I would actually be blogging! Not that it is a bad thing, I just did not really think about it being for me. Anyways,  I should give credit and thanks to a very good friend for suggesting that I start. She has known me for a part of my journey, and feels that it will help me be who I truly want to be. Let me explain.
There is a song by Christina Aguilera titled "Reflection". You may have heard of it from a Disney movie called Mulan. From the first time I heard this song I knew it was describing exactly how I was feeling. Here are the lyrics.
Look at me you may think you see who I really am but, you'll never know me. Every day its as if I play a part. Now I see if I wear a mask I can fool the world but, I cannot fool my heart. Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me? When will my reflection show who I am inside. I am now in a world where I have to hide my heart, and what I believe in. But somehow I will show the world whats inside my heart and be loved for who I am.Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me? Why is my reflection someone I dont know? Must I pretend that I'm someone else for all time, when will my reflection show who I am inside. Theres a heart that must be free to fly that burns with a need to know the reason why, why must we all conceal what we think , how we feel. Must there be a secret me I'm forced to hide. I wont pretend that I'm someone else for all time. When will my relfection show who I am inside.
I look back now and think, wow that is pretty sad for a little girl to be feeling like that at a young age. But I did. That song was the story of my life up until very recently. Most of my life I did feel that I was who everyone else wanted me to be. When I would show my true self, I felt as if it was wrong to be the way I was because of the responses I would recieve. I have spent many night crying while listening to this song. Wondering when I would be able to be my true self. When my reflection really would show who I was inside.
Then I started prayer partnering. If you do not know what that is let me inform you. Prayer partnering is when you find someone who has been trained to pray with people. This person listens to your prayer time with God and assists you when you get stuck, or are feeling a certain way. Most of the time the person in need of prayer is praying through something that made them upset, memories, or other items God is talking to them about. It is a very difficult process, but also very rewarding. In the end you start to figure out a little bit more that God reveals to you, or the past He is healing you from. I have a wonderful friend who is my prayer partner and I do not know where I would be without her! She has been there with me through it all and I am very blessed that God sent her to me. Through prayer partnering I was able to heal from hurts of my past, memories, and other things that I am sure I will share with you in another post. Prayer partnering has helped heal me in amazing ways because God wanted me to be who I truly am.
Now that Reflection is no longer a sad song for me, I chose to use it as my blog name because that is what I want to show. I want to show people who I truly am. I know that I had to find that out for myself first before I could even begin to show other people. It was a long journey, but God was guiding me the whole way!