Im Movin' On

I'm Movin' On  by Rascal Flatts

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on

This is a song that has spoken to me lately. I am a very sensitive person and I feel that songs can affect me in a different way than some people.

I have noticed lately that I have been able to have a voice again on my feelings. Most of my life I have been a people pleaser. I would rather hurt myself and be what everyone else wants me to be than to not be liked. For some reason in my life I have taken it upon myself that I will make people happy. I will be who they want me to be so that they will like me. I don't and didn't want to be a person they complained about or talked about behind my back. What a burden that has been in my life. Especially to believe that lie from such a young age. I can just see myself as this hurt little girl. What hurt me so much that I want to live a life hurting myself and denying who I want to be? That is sad.

The first part of this song is how I feel. I have let whatever hurt me in the past be a burden in my life. I need to forgive myself and not let it hold me down or back anymore. I am tired of it. Yes, unfortunately it took about 15 years or more, but I am finally done. I dont want my past to dictate what I do. I can't let it hurt me anymore. In the process, it has allowed me to give other people permission to hurt me. I was letting myself be treated like garbage sometimes, not knowing I was worth more than that. I have come to realize that I don't necessarily like everything about my past, but I need to forgive myself and let it go. I need to use it to make me a better person.

The second part of this song is good because sometimes the people in our lives don't see us as changing or getting better. How many times have we heard people say "oh they will never change"? That is a hard mind set to beat. If people already have it in their heads that we will always be the same, then we have lost. No matter what we do those people will never see us differently. So why keep trying to prove them wrong? It is their problem, and we shouldn't let it hinder what we are doing. I know my decision is to now find out who those people are in my life and not let them hold me back. I don't want to live my life just to change their opinion of me. I will keep striving for who God wants me to be. That is the only thing that matters.

The ending of this song isn't physically what I am doing. No I am not leaving Topeka, I know I am called to be here right now. But I am wanting to move on from how my life is emotionally. After figuring things out, I know I don't want to live my life pleasing others anymore. I mean yes, I do want to make the relationships I have work, but I am done hurting myself and putting it all on me just so they can stay the same. Relationships take two people, and if you are important enough to the other person than neither one of you should want to hurt the other. I am going to take with me what I have learned, and let go of the lies I have believed. I do hope that I truly forgive the people who have hurt me.

 I am thankful that life has waited for me. I don't want to see the years of my life pass by anymore. I want to be the person God created me to be. I want to be the fun loving, silly, enjoying everyday, care-free (not in a bad way), secure, woman of God that I know He created me to be. I know it will take a lot of work, but I also know God will be right along with me.

What is hindering you from being who God wants you to be? What walls have you put up so that you are not hurt ever again? Maybe its time to take them down. In this life there will be hurts. People we trust will hurt us. They are human. But relationships grow when we are open and honest. God's biggest commandment is to love one another as we He has loved us. That means 7X70...we get back in the game no matter what. And we will be better off all the more because of it.

Long time, no blog

I feel like it has been forever since I made a blog post! Probably because it kind of has. I just wanted to quickly update, and apologize for not writing for a long time. I have had a lot going on in life, especially with my new job. It keeps me busy all day, and when I get off I have tons of other things I need to get done. I hope to start bloging again. Maybe at least once a week. Anyways thanks for reading. I hope to be writing something soon! I have started a new book study with my friends, my youth girls are off to camp, I am filling out a loan for a car, 4 of July is quickly apporaching, many more youth events are coming up and I think I will have a lot to share with you! Please keep me in your prayers! I have been kind of mad at myself for not blogging in a long time and I know it is something that helped me. I pray that God will use it again. :) Talk to you soon!