Matthew was diagnosed with brain cancer around age 4. He began radiation quickly, but a couple of times the cancer came back and the process started all over again. During our sophomore year of high school Matt's family got the news. The cancer was back. I remember our school raising money for his family for hospital bills. Matt was getting treatment in Texas. It was one of the best places for his condition and promised lots of hope. Again, Matt beat the cancer! He was back for our junior year of high school and ready to enjoy it. We all missed him and loved having him back!
Senior year is supposed to be the best year of your high school career. A new chapter is about to unfold and everything you dream of being is about to come true. Sadly for Matt, his senior year would be different. I remember finding out that his cancer had come back again. This time however, it was not curable. The doctor said that the scan of his brain showed another growth, but the last radiation treatment had made the picture too foggy to get a definite answer. Not only that, but even if they found out it was cancerous his body was too weak to go through another round of treatment.
Matt was getting worse and ended up laying in bed, or hanging around the house spending time with his family. It was sad to see his sister going through this too. She was at school some days and other days stayed home to be with him. I am glad that he got to spend his remaining time with the people he loved.
Matt's biggest dream was to finish high school. I know that was important to him. I am happy to say that he did his school work at home and completed high school in December 2004. Graduation day brought tears to my eyes because I wish Matt could have walked across that stage with us. In a way I feel like he deserved it more than we did. I couldn't help but stare at the empty chair in front of me where he would have been sitting. Our graduating class wore red ribbons on our gowns in rememberancce if him.
One regret that I have is that I never really told him goodbye. Towards the end he was very weak and couldn't do much. Matt's family got him a pager so that anyone could page to let him know they were thinking about him. I had every intention of doing this, but the day I was finally going to is when I got the news. Matt had passed away earlier that day. I will never forget that I waited too long to send him a page.
Matt's funeral was beautiful. It was packed all the way to the back of the church. I could just feel the love and memories that people now held in their hearts. There are two songs that will now always make me think of Matt when I hear them. He picked one out himself that he wanted to play. It is titled Crossroads by Bone Thugs N Harmony. One of the lines in the song says "See you at the crossroads, and I'm gonna miss everybody". The song is about dying, but seeing everyone again at the crossroads. I must say that when I heard this song at Matt's funeral I didn't know what it was. Not long after that I heard it on the radio, and then like now I couldn't help but say a quiet "Hello Matt, I'll see you at the crossroads." The other song was dedicated to him by his sister. It is titled Wind Beneath My Wings by Bette Midler. It was perfect for the occasion.
Matt was buried with our senior pictures that we got to give him one of the last times he was at school. He did have senior pictures taken and I even picked out the ones that I wanted. I must say that I am so glad that I got the chance to give him mine, but sad because I never got his.
Please make sure you are saying the words you need to say. Don't think that you will always have another chance. Let people know what they mean to you.
I miss your hugs and smile Matt. I think about you often but I know that you are now cured. I'll see you at the crossroads!
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