This Thanksgiving I was able to spend in Oklahoma with my brother, Ray. Every year on Thanksgiving he and his girlfriend volunteer at the rescure mission. I was glad to be able to join them this time! My mom, brothers, nieces and I were informed that each year there are homeless people, people who are low on income, or even people who have no family and no where to go who come and eat at the rescue mission on Thanksgiving. While I knew that those were the kinds of people who went to rescue missions, it was a real eye opener to actually see those people and be involved. I mean there are things we hear about even today that saddens our hearts, but we just hear about it. It can be more impactful when we actually SEE it.
All of the families who came to volunteer were told that we would get one person at a time at our table. We were to get them a drink, plate of food, dessert, and interact with them. Basically just be the family, and love that they may not receive this year otherwise. Even as the first few people walked in the door, I was having second thoughts. I did not think I was going to be able to do this. There were tears brimming my eyes each time I seen someone walk through that door all alone. Where was their family? If they had one, why would they leave them to eat Thanksgiving dinner all alone at a rescue mission? What had life dealt them that they felted unloved, unvalued, and unwanted? Did they know God? That He loved them?! Do they have a time in their life when Thanksgiving wasn't like this, and did they have fond memories of the good Thanksgiving from their past? I couldn't let myself dwell on these questionss for long or I certainly would have started to cry. There was a man there who touched my heart. He was not at my table, but I watched him at another table. There was something different about him. He didn't seem to have full cognative ability, and I just imagined that if he walked down the street alone people may pick on him. All I wanted and prayed was that God find him a home and that he was ok even though he was alone. To me he did not look able to care much for himself, so I prayed for God's protection over him. I knew He had a special place in God's heart. I was fortunate to talk with two people who came through my table. But do you know how hard it is to try to make converasation with someone who may not have a family, place to live, or job? I did not want to ask the wrong questions. With God's help I was able to make conversation with the two people and it was truly a blessing. The man I talked with was a war veteran and he lost his family to anger and drinking. He was trying to get his life back on track and fight for his marriage.
It was amazing how much I was able to talk about God at this dinner. I could just feel His presence and I know that I was blessed more than I was a blessing to others. I am glad that God allowed me the opporunity to be His hands and feet to these people. One man who tried to come to our table did not make it. My nieces said that when they first went to get him he said he did not want to come afterall. When they reassured him it was ok he started to follow them to our table. However he took one look and just turned and walked away. He couldn't do it. I tried to followed him with the food because I still wanted him to have it even if he wouldn't sit with us, but when I made it outside I couldn't find him. I was sad that he felt he was undeserving of the Thanksgiving dinner and that he had been through so much he couldn't sit down. It just makes me wonder what triggered him. Maybe it was the fact that we were a family and he didn't have one. Or he has a family he couldn't provide for. Or he may have kids the same age as my nieces and it pained him to see them. I don't know for sure, but there are people like that not just in Oklahoma, but all over the world. How many times do you see people and wonder what their life is like? What are the going through? You notice them and you just sense that something is drawing your concern for them. God calls us to be His hands and feet. But yet we still notice that hurting person and move on. Too afraid to say anything. But I am like that too. I see people I want to help, or seeing them tugs on my heart, but I am not sure of the step to take. I have decided during those times I will just pray about it. I will bring it to God, let Him know I am willing to do what he asks, and pray for His guidance. I am sure at times He may tell me I am not able to help that person, but praying for them is just as helpful.
The opporunity I had in Oklahoma was an eye opener and made me thankful for my family during this season. I pray that God uses it to mold me into the person He wants me to be. I never want to forget my experience of serving the less fortunate on Thanksgiving because it reminds me of the value everyone has to God. I pray that you are able to help people you see in need when God asks you to as well. It is hard, but think of how they feel. Alone. Worthless. Unloved. No one should feel that way, but mor importantly no one should have that actually be true of their life. You never know, your friendly gesture could be just what they need.
Sunday, December 2, 2012
A Christmas tradition
The candy cane and ginger bread man were a couple of my very first ornaments. My dad spent a lot of time in his workshop and my mom asked him to make me some wooden ornaments while she painted them. These are special to me since they made them together.
I was just taking time putting on the decorations today and thinking about how much they mean to me. I wanted to share something special that goes on in my life this Christmas season. What goes on in your family that warms your heart this time of year? If you can't think of anything then I pray that God opens your eyes to something you have maybe taken for granted throughout the years. Or because it is a yearly tradition it has lost its meaning. I challenge you to find it, and meditate on the warmth that this season brings. The love of family, friends, and of course the love that God showed us through His son, Jesus!
Friday, October 19, 2012
While I'm waiting
I'm waiting, I'm waiting on you Lord,
and I am hopeful, I'm waiting on you Lord
though it is painful, but patientlly I will wait
I will move ahead bold and confident
taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will not faint, I'll be running the race
Even while I wait.
I'm waiting, I'm waiting on you Lord
and I am peaceful, I'm waiting on you Lord
though its not easy, no, but faithfully I will wait,
yes I will wait
I will move ahead bold and confident
taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will faint, I'll be running the race
Even while I wait
I will move ahead bold and confident
I'll be taking every step in obediance
While I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will will not faint
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on you Lord.
~ John Waller~ Lyrics to "While I'm Waiting"
Monday, August 13, 2012
Happy Birthday Amanda!
On Friday I got the priviliage of celebrating Amanda's birthday with her and her family. We had an "I Love Lucy" theme birthday party for her because she really does love Lucy. :) It was a great time, however I am sure she would like to share it on her blog, so I will let her. :) Friday, however was not her actual birthday. Today is. She is the reason I am writing my blog today. It is dedicated to her.
If you do not know Amanda, she is an amazing woman after God's own heart. She has been a great friend over the last 5 years and I am very thankful for her.
When I first met Amanda I was 12 years old and visting Glad Tidings Church, now called Good News. She was very nice to me, and I remember getting her email and IM address so that we could talk. She even took me out for ice cream one night after church where her boyfriend, who is now her husband, worked. That is the most memorable memory I have of that time in our friendship. I would go to church with my brother and after some time I stopped going. However, I never forgot her. She may not know this, but I would think of her off and on throughout the years. She gave me one of her senior pictures and I would look at it from time to time.
I started going back to Good News when I was 19 and Amanda was still there. I remember being excited and wanting to say hi to her and ask her if she remembered me, but I didn't. Mostly I would stand in the distance after church and wonder when I would have the courage to say hi to her again. After some time, I met one of Amanda's friends, Jaime. Later I would find out that Jaime would tell Amanda to come meet and talk to me because she knew we would get along. I also know Amanda was a little hesitant and guarded, but I understand why. She is a great sister ;)
The moral of this story is, one day I did finally get to talk with Amanda again, and the rest is history. If you ask us, we can not tell you how we met, or how we started talking again. And you know what? It doesn't matter. I believe that when I was 12, I was meant to meet and know Amanda because later God would bring our friendship back. It was a seed that was planted, and 7 years later it bloomed.
Amanda~ We have been through a lot together. You have grown so much in five years and I am so proud of you. I am glad to be a part of your life! I have so many memories of hanging out with your family, summer activities, movie nights, KC adventures, scavenger hunts, and more. I am also thankful for the times we have talked for hours on end. I know I would always make your neck hurt, and phone battery get hot. :) But you didn't complain. You are always there when I need you. I look to you for accountability, advice, and your input. I also thank you for opening up to me. I am glad that I have been there for you and been able to help you as well. I love you so much and I am thankful to God for you. I don't know if I can say how much you mean to me, but I hope you know. I can't wait to see what God has in store for us for the future. I am always here for you. Happy Birthday dear friend! I Love You!
If you do not know Amanda, she is an amazing woman after God's own heart. She has been a great friend over the last 5 years and I am very thankful for her.
When I first met Amanda I was 12 years old and visting Glad Tidings Church, now called Good News. She was very nice to me, and I remember getting her email and IM address so that we could talk. She even took me out for ice cream one night after church where her boyfriend, who is now her husband, worked. That is the most memorable memory I have of that time in our friendship. I would go to church with my brother and after some time I stopped going. However, I never forgot her. She may not know this, but I would think of her off and on throughout the years. She gave me one of her senior pictures and I would look at it from time to time.
I started going back to Good News when I was 19 and Amanda was still there. I remember being excited and wanting to say hi to her and ask her if she remembered me, but I didn't. Mostly I would stand in the distance after church and wonder when I would have the courage to say hi to her again. After some time, I met one of Amanda's friends, Jaime. Later I would find out that Jaime would tell Amanda to come meet and talk to me because she knew we would get along. I also know Amanda was a little hesitant and guarded, but I understand why. She is a great sister ;)
The moral of this story is, one day I did finally get to talk with Amanda again, and the rest is history. If you ask us, we can not tell you how we met, or how we started talking again. And you know what? It doesn't matter. I believe that when I was 12, I was meant to meet and know Amanda because later God would bring our friendship back. It was a seed that was planted, and 7 years later it bloomed.
Amanda~ We have been through a lot together. You have grown so much in five years and I am so proud of you. I am glad to be a part of your life! I have so many memories of hanging out with your family, summer activities, movie nights, KC adventures, scavenger hunts, and more. I am also thankful for the times we have talked for hours on end. I know I would always make your neck hurt, and phone battery get hot. :) But you didn't complain. You are always there when I need you. I look to you for accountability, advice, and your input. I also thank you for opening up to me. I am glad that I have been there for you and been able to help you as well. I love you so much and I am thankful to God for you. I don't know if I can say how much you mean to me, but I hope you know. I can't wait to see what God has in store for us for the future. I am always here for you. Happy Birthday dear friend! I Love You!
Monday, July 16, 2012
God's indispensible weapon....His word
James 1:2-4
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sister, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perserverance. Let perserverance finish its work so you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
Romans 12:12
Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.
John 14:27
I am leaving you with a gift- peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So dont be troubled or afraid.
Philippians 4:6
Don't worry about anthing; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.
These are just some of the verses in the bible that talk about worry. I struggle with anxiety and worry, but these verses have helped me out a lot. Plus the people in my life that have been able to talk to me about their anxiety and pray for me. I believe that these verses, God, and people in my life have helped me get through my anxiety and not be troubled so much. I just wanted to share them with you. Many of us struggle with worry. I just wanted to give you something powerful and true that you can hold on to as well. Even if you repeat it hundreds of times a day, if really helps. Even say these verses out loud. There is power in God's spoken word.
Ephesians 6:10-18
And that about wraps it up. God is strong and He wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. Amd put them to use so you will be able to stand up against everthing the Devil throws you way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we'll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels. Be prepared. You're up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it's all over but the shouting you'll be on your feet. Truth, rightousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You'll need them throughout your life. God's word is an indispensible weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing welfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other's spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sister, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perserverance. Let perserverance finish its work so you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
Romans 12:12
Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.
John 14:27
I am leaving you with a gift- peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So dont be troubled or afraid.
Philippians 4:6
Don't worry about anthing; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.
These are just some of the verses in the bible that talk about worry. I struggle with anxiety and worry, but these verses have helped me out a lot. Plus the people in my life that have been able to talk to me about their anxiety and pray for me. I believe that these verses, God, and people in my life have helped me get through my anxiety and not be troubled so much. I just wanted to share them with you. Many of us struggle with worry. I just wanted to give you something powerful and true that you can hold on to as well. Even if you repeat it hundreds of times a day, if really helps. Even say these verses out loud. There is power in God's spoken word.
Ephesians 6:10-18
And that about wraps it up. God is strong and He wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. Amd put them to use so you will be able to stand up against everthing the Devil throws you way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we'll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels. Be prepared. You're up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it's all over but the shouting you'll be on your feet. Truth, rightousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You'll need them throughout your life. God's word is an indispensible weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing welfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other's spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Im Movin' On
I'm Movin' On by Rascal Flatts
I have noticed lately that I have been able to have a voice again on my feelings. Most of my life I have been a people pleaser. I would rather hurt myself and be what everyone else wants me to be than to not be liked. For some reason in my life I have taken it upon myself that I will make people happy. I will be who they want me to be so that they will like me. I don't and didn't want to be a person they complained about or talked about behind my back. What a burden that has been in my life. Especially to believe that lie from such a young age. I can just see myself as this hurt little girl. What hurt me so much that I want to live a life hurting myself and denying who I want to be? That is sad.
I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on
I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone
I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on
I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone
I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on
This is a song that has spoken to me lately. I am a very sensitive person and I feel that songs can affect me in a different way than some people.
I have noticed lately that I have been able to have a voice again on my feelings. Most of my life I have been a people pleaser. I would rather hurt myself and be what everyone else wants me to be than to not be liked. For some reason in my life I have taken it upon myself that I will make people happy. I will be who they want me to be so that they will like me. I don't and didn't want to be a person they complained about or talked about behind my back. What a burden that has been in my life. Especially to believe that lie from such a young age. I can just see myself as this hurt little girl. What hurt me so much that I want to live a life hurting myself and denying who I want to be? That is sad.
The first part of this song is how I feel. I have let whatever hurt me in the past be a burden in my life. I need to forgive myself and not let it hold me down or back anymore. I am tired of it. Yes, unfortunately it took about 15 years or more, but I am finally done. I dont want my past to dictate what I do. I can't let it hurt me anymore. In the process, it has allowed me to give other people permission to hurt me. I was letting myself be treated like garbage sometimes, not knowing I was worth more than that. I have come to realize that I don't necessarily like everything about my past, but I need to forgive myself and let it go. I need to use it to make me a better person.
The second part of this song is good because sometimes the people in our lives don't see us as changing or getting better. How many times have we heard people say "oh they will never change"? That is a hard mind set to beat. If people already have it in their heads that we will always be the same, then we have lost. No matter what we do those people will never see us differently. So why keep trying to prove them wrong? It is their problem, and we shouldn't let it hinder what we are doing. I know my decision is to now find out who those people are in my life and not let them hold me back. I don't want to live my life just to change their opinion of me. I will keep striving for who God wants me to be. That is the only thing that matters.
The ending of this song isn't physically what I am doing. No I am not leaving Topeka, I know I am called to be here right now. But I am wanting to move on from how my life is emotionally. After figuring things out, I know I don't want to live my life pleasing others anymore. I mean yes, I do want to make the relationships I have work, but I am done hurting myself and putting it all on me just so they can stay the same. Relationships take two people, and if you are important enough to the other person than neither one of you should want to hurt the other. I am going to take with me what I have learned, and let go of the lies I have believed. I do hope that I truly forgive the people who have hurt me.
I am thankful that life has waited for me. I don't want to see the years of my life pass by anymore. I want to be the person God created me to be. I want to be the fun loving, silly, enjoying everyday, care-free (not in a bad way), secure, woman of God that I know He created me to be. I know it will take a lot of work, but I also know God will be right along with me.
What is hindering you from being who God wants you to be? What walls have you put up so that you are not hurt ever again? Maybe its time to take them down. In this life there will be hurts. People we trust will hurt us. They are human. But relationships grow when we are open and honest. God's biggest commandment is to love one another as we He has loved us. That means 7X70...we get back in the game no matter what. And we will be better off all the more because of it.
I am thankful that life has waited for me. I don't want to see the years of my life pass by anymore. I want to be the person God created me to be. I want to be the fun loving, silly, enjoying everyday, care-free (not in a bad way), secure, woman of God that I know He created me to be. I know it will take a lot of work, but I also know God will be right along with me.
What is hindering you from being who God wants you to be? What walls have you put up so that you are not hurt ever again? Maybe its time to take them down. In this life there will be hurts. People we trust will hurt us. They are human. But relationships grow when we are open and honest. God's biggest commandment is to love one another as we He has loved us. That means 7X70...we get back in the game no matter what. And we will be better off all the more because of it.
Monday, June 11, 2012
Long time, no blog
I feel like it has been forever since I made a blog post! Probably because it kind of has. I just wanted to quickly update, and apologize for not writing for a long time. I have had a lot going on in life, especially with my new job. It keeps me busy all day, and when I get off I have tons of other things I need to get done. I hope to start bloging again. Maybe at least once a week. Anyways thanks for reading. I hope to be writing something soon! I have started a new book study with my friends, my youth girls are off to camp, I am filling out a loan for a car, 4 of July is quickly apporaching, many more youth events are coming up and I think I will have a lot to share with you! Please keep me in your prayers! I have been kind of mad at myself for not blogging in a long time and I know it is something that helped me. I pray that God will use it again. :) Talk to you soon!
Sunday, April 1, 2012
The Vow
I don't know if you have seen the movie The Vow, but whatever your answer is I want to encourage you to read the book. I don't think the movie does the book justice.
The Vow is actually a great book about the real couple, Kim and Krisxan Carpenter, and their story of finding love for each other again. They were involved in a serious car accident that left Krisxan in a coma. She will never remember the first time she met her husband, got married, and their honeymoon. Through it all it is a story of vows, God's miracles, promises, and path for their lives. Kim and Krisxan are truly an inspiration and the best true story I have read.
I suggest you read it! You won't regret it. However some parts are very difficult to read.
The Vow is actually a great book about the real couple, Kim and Krisxan Carpenter, and their story of finding love for each other again. They were involved in a serious car accident that left Krisxan in a coma. She will never remember the first time she met her husband, got married, and their honeymoon. Through it all it is a story of vows, God's miracles, promises, and path for their lives. Kim and Krisxan are truly an inspiration and the best true story I have read.
I suggest you read it! You won't regret it. However some parts are very difficult to read.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
God is in our desires
I don't know about you, but sometimes I feel like my desires are not what God would really want me to do. I mean, is it just me wanting to do it no matter what? And, why would God really even lay that on my heart? I have been fighting with these questions in my head for a while.
For some reason, I am scared of what God's plan is for me. I have figured out that I am afraid that what I want is not what God wants for me. Where that is probably true in some areas, I take it to the extreme. I think that anytime I am doing something that is my desire, God wants me to give it up. That I am wrong, and doing His plan for my life means that I will have to lay down all my desires, and He will make me do something I don't even want to do.
I am not entirely sure why I think like this. My guess is that it is from my childhood and feeling like I couldn't be who I was. I changed to be what other people wanted and I think along the way I got stuck. I got stuck thinking that what I want, or who I was was wrong. I know that I projected that onto how God wants me to be too.
I was driving back to work today and I was listening KLove. The radio annouoncer was talking about how there is a KLove NASCAR and it is number 98. There is also another driver in NHRA that is driving another car. While I heard this, I just felt like God told me, "I gave them their desires. And they are glorifying Me in the process."
God told me that you don't have to be a missionary or pastor, to feel like you are doing His will for your life. You also don't have to put down your desires. God gave them to you. He is able to be in every aspect of the world. He is lifted up when Tim Tebow plays football, or when Jeremy Lin is playing basketball. Now He is even being lifted up in race car driving. He uses all things to reach His people. You don't have to spend 9 hours a day praying, or a week fasting. Those things are good, but He can be lifted up in our everyday lives as well. He sends us out into the world to be a light. To reach those who are lost, and to show them that in everything we do we can glorify Him.
I was just truly touched by this and wanted to share it. Don't give up your desires. God places them there for a reason. He can work ALL things out for our good.
For some reason, I am scared of what God's plan is for me. I have figured out that I am afraid that what I want is not what God wants for me. Where that is probably true in some areas, I take it to the extreme. I think that anytime I am doing something that is my desire, God wants me to give it up. That I am wrong, and doing His plan for my life means that I will have to lay down all my desires, and He will make me do something I don't even want to do.
I am not entirely sure why I think like this. My guess is that it is from my childhood and feeling like I couldn't be who I was. I changed to be what other people wanted and I think along the way I got stuck. I got stuck thinking that what I want, or who I was was wrong. I know that I projected that onto how God wants me to be too.
I was driving back to work today and I was listening KLove. The radio annouoncer was talking about how there is a KLove NASCAR and it is number 98. There is also another driver in NHRA that is driving another car. While I heard this, I just felt like God told me, "I gave them their desires. And they are glorifying Me in the process."
God told me that you don't have to be a missionary or pastor, to feel like you are doing His will for your life. You also don't have to put down your desires. God gave them to you. He is able to be in every aspect of the world. He is lifted up when Tim Tebow plays football, or when Jeremy Lin is playing basketball. Now He is even being lifted up in race car driving. He uses all things to reach His people. You don't have to spend 9 hours a day praying, or a week fasting. Those things are good, but He can be lifted up in our everyday lives as well. He sends us out into the world to be a light. To reach those who are lost, and to show them that in everything we do we can glorify Him.
I was just truly touched by this and wanted to share it. Don't give up your desires. God places them there for a reason. He can work ALL things out for our good.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Remembering Matthew Wayne Meredith
Seven years ago today my friend Matthew Wayne Meredith no longer had to battle with brain cancer. February 24, 2005, Matt was called by God to start his eternal life.
Matthew was diagnosed with brain cancer around age 4. He began radiation quickly, but a couple of times the cancer came back and the process started all over again. During our sophomore year of high school Matt's family got the news. The cancer was back. I remember our school raising money for his family for hospital bills. Matt was getting treatment in Texas. It was one of the best places for his condition and promised lots of hope. Again, Matt beat the cancer! He was back for our junior year of high school and ready to enjoy it. We all missed him and loved having him back!
Senior year is supposed to be the best year of your high school career. A new chapter is about to unfold and everything you dream of being is about to come true. Sadly for Matt, his senior year would be different. I remember finding out that his cancer had come back again. This time however, it was not curable. The doctor said that the scan of his brain showed another growth, but the last radiation treatment had made the picture too foggy to get a definite answer. Not only that, but even if they found out it was cancerous his body was too weak to go through another round of treatment.
Matt was getting worse and ended up laying in bed, or hanging around the house spending time with his family. It was sad to see his sister going through this too. She was at school some days and other days stayed home to be with him. I am glad that he got to spend his remaining time with the people he loved.
Matt's biggest dream was to finish high school. I know that was important to him. I am happy to say that he did his school work at home and completed high school in December 2004. Graduation day brought tears to my eyes because I wish Matt could have walked across that stage with us. In a way I feel like he deserved it more than we did. I couldn't help but stare at the empty chair in front of me where he would have been sitting. Our graduating class wore red ribbons on our gowns in rememberancce if him.
One regret that I have is that I never really told him goodbye. Towards the end he was very weak and couldn't do much. Matt's family got him a pager so that anyone could page to let him know they were thinking about him. I had every intention of doing this, but the day I was finally going to is when I got the news. Matt had passed away earlier that day. I will never forget that I waited too long to send him a page.
Matt's funeral was beautiful. It was packed all the way to the back of the church. I could just feel the love and memories that people now held in their hearts. There are two songs that will now always make me think of Matt when I hear them. He picked one out himself that he wanted to play. It is titled Crossroads by Bone Thugs N Harmony. One of the lines in the song says "See you at the crossroads, and I'm gonna miss everybody". The song is about dying, but seeing everyone again at the crossroads. I must say that when I heard this song at Matt's funeral I didn't know what it was. Not long after that I heard it on the radio, and then like now I couldn't help but say a quiet "Hello Matt, I'll see you at the crossroads." The other song was dedicated to him by his sister. It is titled Wind Beneath My Wings by Bette Midler. It was perfect for the occasion.
Matt was buried with our senior pictures that we got to give him one of the last times he was at school. He did have senior pictures taken and I even picked out the ones that I wanted. I must say that I am so glad that I got the chance to give him mine, but sad because I never got his.
Please make sure you are saying the words you need to say. Don't think that you will always have another chance. Let people know what they mean to you.
I miss your hugs and smile Matt. I think about you often but I know that you are now cured. I'll see you at the crossroads!
Matthew was diagnosed with brain cancer around age 4. He began radiation quickly, but a couple of times the cancer came back and the process started all over again. During our sophomore year of high school Matt's family got the news. The cancer was back. I remember our school raising money for his family for hospital bills. Matt was getting treatment in Texas. It was one of the best places for his condition and promised lots of hope. Again, Matt beat the cancer! He was back for our junior year of high school and ready to enjoy it. We all missed him and loved having him back!
Senior year is supposed to be the best year of your high school career. A new chapter is about to unfold and everything you dream of being is about to come true. Sadly for Matt, his senior year would be different. I remember finding out that his cancer had come back again. This time however, it was not curable. The doctor said that the scan of his brain showed another growth, but the last radiation treatment had made the picture too foggy to get a definite answer. Not only that, but even if they found out it was cancerous his body was too weak to go through another round of treatment.
Matt was getting worse and ended up laying in bed, or hanging around the house spending time with his family. It was sad to see his sister going through this too. She was at school some days and other days stayed home to be with him. I am glad that he got to spend his remaining time with the people he loved.
Matt's biggest dream was to finish high school. I know that was important to him. I am happy to say that he did his school work at home and completed high school in December 2004. Graduation day brought tears to my eyes because I wish Matt could have walked across that stage with us. In a way I feel like he deserved it more than we did. I couldn't help but stare at the empty chair in front of me where he would have been sitting. Our graduating class wore red ribbons on our gowns in rememberancce if him.
One regret that I have is that I never really told him goodbye. Towards the end he was very weak and couldn't do much. Matt's family got him a pager so that anyone could page to let him know they were thinking about him. I had every intention of doing this, but the day I was finally going to is when I got the news. Matt had passed away earlier that day. I will never forget that I waited too long to send him a page.
Matt's funeral was beautiful. It was packed all the way to the back of the church. I could just feel the love and memories that people now held in their hearts. There are two songs that will now always make me think of Matt when I hear them. He picked one out himself that he wanted to play. It is titled Crossroads by Bone Thugs N Harmony. One of the lines in the song says "See you at the crossroads, and I'm gonna miss everybody". The song is about dying, but seeing everyone again at the crossroads. I must say that when I heard this song at Matt's funeral I didn't know what it was. Not long after that I heard it on the radio, and then like now I couldn't help but say a quiet "Hello Matt, I'll see you at the crossroads." The other song was dedicated to him by his sister. It is titled Wind Beneath My Wings by Bette Midler. It was perfect for the occasion.
Matt was buried with our senior pictures that we got to give him one of the last times he was at school. He did have senior pictures taken and I even picked out the ones that I wanted. I must say that I am so glad that I got the chance to give him mine, but sad because I never got his.
Please make sure you are saying the words you need to say. Don't think that you will always have another chance. Let people know what they mean to you.
I miss your hugs and smile Matt. I think about you often but I know that you are now cured. I'll see you at the crossroads!
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Peace in the waiting
This post may be very vague, but I am going to try to explain it as best I can. I just felt like I needed to share what God spoke to me today. It was a great revelation annd brought me some much needed peace.
I am not a person who likes to think through things. Many times throughout my life I was given what I wanted right when I wanted it. Looking back I can see how that effected me in more ways than one. Not only was I looked at for being spoiled, it lead to a way of thinking that was not healthy. I notice that even now when I want something, I should get it at the time I want it. If not, that means I am not going to get it at all, or so I think. (This is not only meaning material things, but more like emotional things such as answers.) When I have problems I notice that I have the desire to figure it out right then and there. I think about it all day until I come up with an answer. However sometimes I don't, and when that happens my mind starts to run away with me and think about the problem even longer and feel like I am not hearing God right if He hasn't given me an answer yet. After this stage, I am lead to "well, maybe God wants me to do the thing I have no desire to do and don't want to do." In the end I am sad, frustrated, confused, and angry with God because how could be make me do something I dont want to do, or dont even like! ( I know that this stems from the fact that I do things to please people even if I don't like it, so I feel that God will have me not be my true self as well).
God reveled to me that this was not the case at all! He reminded me that thinking though things and not jumping on our feelings, or what we want at the moment is HEALTHY! He does not always give us what we want when we want it. But that does not mean that we will not get it at all. It means that you are given time to think through it. Think about the right way to go about it. Its just like when a child gets something that they want right away. When they act on imulse about something they want and you give it to them, chances are maybe 2 days later they want nothing to do with that thing anymore. The newness is over, or they really figure out it is not what they wanted afterall. That is understandable for children, but we as adults should be different. We shouldn't grow up still acting on our impulses. We need to think things through. Once you look at all the different outcomes, and what you really want, you will be more able to go after it in the right way and keep it. Not drop it after a couple of days. There are many things in our adult lives that we need to think about and not jump into. The reprocussions of our choices are bigger. A failed marriage, children, jobs, and many more things that we are not able to just say "oh well, I dont want it anymore. I thought I did."
God just really showed me that not having an answer right away is not a bad thing. It is a way to call on God and look for His guidence. We wouldn't need Him in our lives if everu time we had a decision to make we had to decide it then and there. Sometimes you won't have an answer until you take some action, and you know what? Thats ok! Even if you pray about it for a long time doesn't mean God will give you an answer without taking action. You may need to try one thing or another and just keep praying. He will guide you what to do. But you will have to make choices and mistakes. But guess what?? That's ok too!!
Don't be fooled like me and stuck in a childish way of thinking. You don't need answers right away, and just because you have to think about it doesn't mean the answer is no. Your being smart and thinking through your decision just like God wants you to. :)
I am not a person who likes to think through things. Many times throughout my life I was given what I wanted right when I wanted it. Looking back I can see how that effected me in more ways than one. Not only was I looked at for being spoiled, it lead to a way of thinking that was not healthy. I notice that even now when I want something, I should get it at the time I want it. If not, that means I am not going to get it at all, or so I think. (This is not only meaning material things, but more like emotional things such as answers.) When I have problems I notice that I have the desire to figure it out right then and there. I think about it all day until I come up with an answer. However sometimes I don't, and when that happens my mind starts to run away with me and think about the problem even longer and feel like I am not hearing God right if He hasn't given me an answer yet. After this stage, I am lead to "well, maybe God wants me to do the thing I have no desire to do and don't want to do." In the end I am sad, frustrated, confused, and angry with God because how could be make me do something I dont want to do, or dont even like! ( I know that this stems from the fact that I do things to please people even if I don't like it, so I feel that God will have me not be my true self as well).
God reveled to me that this was not the case at all! He reminded me that thinking though things and not jumping on our feelings, or what we want at the moment is HEALTHY! He does not always give us what we want when we want it. But that does not mean that we will not get it at all. It means that you are given time to think through it. Think about the right way to go about it. Its just like when a child gets something that they want right away. When they act on imulse about something they want and you give it to them, chances are maybe 2 days later they want nothing to do with that thing anymore. The newness is over, or they really figure out it is not what they wanted afterall. That is understandable for children, but we as adults should be different. We shouldn't grow up still acting on our impulses. We need to think things through. Once you look at all the different outcomes, and what you really want, you will be more able to go after it in the right way and keep it. Not drop it after a couple of days. There are many things in our adult lives that we need to think about and not jump into. The reprocussions of our choices are bigger. A failed marriage, children, jobs, and many more things that we are not able to just say "oh well, I dont want it anymore. I thought I did."
God just really showed me that not having an answer right away is not a bad thing. It is a way to call on God and look for His guidence. We wouldn't need Him in our lives if everu time we had a decision to make we had to decide it then and there. Sometimes you won't have an answer until you take some action, and you know what? Thats ok! Even if you pray about it for a long time doesn't mean God will give you an answer without taking action. You may need to try one thing or another and just keep praying. He will guide you what to do. But you will have to make choices and mistakes. But guess what?? That's ok too!!
Don't be fooled like me and stuck in a childish way of thinking. You don't need answers right away, and just because you have to think about it doesn't mean the answer is no. Your being smart and thinking through your decision just like God wants you to. :)
Monday, February 13, 2012
GNC~Fusion~BnR
I have mentioned before that I attend Good News Church and am a youth leader. Well our youth group is called Fusion, and within our youth we have smaller community groups that keep us even closer. The group I lead is called Broken and Redefined. I am so blessed to be apart of this group and be involved in my girls lives. It is just awesome to be a part of something that I have seen grow from the beginning. We were all able to come up with a name together, and our group motto. Broken and Redefined means that we have been torn down many times in our lives, but these moments have helped us grow stronger in God, redefining our lives. Our motto is " Break us open, make us new, redefine us to look like You." We want to be changed to be who God wants us to be from the inside out. We want to reflect Him in our lives.
Here is a picture of me and some of my girls at our bowling event
We have a youth event about every month. I really look forward to these. We have a New Year's Eve party, bowling event, spring retreat, Fusion live, Race at the lake, summer camp, jr high welcome event, back to school party, fall retreat, turkey bowl, and hayrack ride. Our most recent event was bowling. We had a competition between the community groups to see who could bowl the best average. My team did not win, but I had a ton of fun! Not to mention, I had the highest bowling score out of our whole youth group! Including the adults, two of them who had a hard time admitting it (Chris and Josh) but finally gave in.
I dont know if you can see this very well but I am on the top. I scored a 141!!
That may not be good for you, but it is AMAZING for me! I have never bowled that in my life and I am not sure if I ever will again! It was a great birthday present from God :)
We have fun at Fusion. We are always making memories and having a good time. I am sure I will be blogging about our next event...Spring Retreat. It is a favorite of many of us at Fusion.
Josh and Chris being goofy. Yes, the guy in green is our youth pastor!
Monday, January 30, 2012
AWEmazement
The first part of that word says it all...AWE! I am in awe of everything God has shown me in the past couple of weeks. I have just felt His presence, love, healing, and opening of my eyes in overwhelming amounts. I just can't believe everything He is doing for me! It is too much to name all of it, but just really finding out who I am in Him, sums it all up. Who I am supposed to be and how He has healed me is so wonderful. I do not want this to end because I just feel like I have hit a high of my relationship with God. I know that He has more in store for me, but to feel like this, I just can't hold it in. Our God is AMAZING! I just needed to share that! I pray that you are able to feel His presence, love, and power in your life as well. Even in the tough times He is there. Going through those times leads you to the high's in life like I am now. We are able to see our growth and rejoice with God. Don't be sad, or discouraged if you are in a hard place right now. Just remember, you will be rejoicing soon too! God takes us through those rough times to show how great He is in the end. Maybe that is why I was meant to share this. To encourge you that if times are rough now, you will come through it! He will not leave you down, He is stretching and growing you for His purpose. I love you! Truly I do! So does God :)
Saturday, January 21, 2012
I'm A Witness
"But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.” Acts 1:8
As I have mentioned before, I am a youth leader at my church. Every summer we go to camp in the Northern Missouri (NOMO) district in Excelsior Springs, Missouri. Each year the leaders and youth get a rubber wristband to keep track of who they are with and also as a memoir. Usually now the wristbands say www.nomo.com, but a couple of years ago was when we received a wristband that really made an impact on me.
The wristband was white, and in black letters are the words "I'm A Witness" next to that is "Acts 1:8". I have held onto that wristband for about three or four years now. I wore it so that I could remind myself that I have a story of my life to tell other people. A story that God wrote, and that I am excited to tell. I am a witness for Him in so many ways! A couple people have asked me what it meant and I was glad to tell them. I wish I ccould say that I had people coming up to me all the time but I can't. However I am thankful for the opportunities I did have. Plus I know there are others ways I can tell people about the amazing things God has done in my life.
This past summer while I was in Mexico on our youth mission trip I heard God telling me that it was time for me to pass on my bracelet to someone else. That it was their time to express that they were witnesses too. (You see these bracelets were specifically made for our camp. They are not sold anywhere else just like that.) I was really excited and figured that meant I should give it to someone in Mexico. I mean how cool would that have been? To give my bracelet to a brother or sister in Christ in another country? Even though I did find someone to give it too, I wasn't sure that that was who God wanted me to give it to. In really wanting to give it to the person God intended, I came back to the states with my bracelet. I was hoping I did the right thing. I would have given it away, but something didn't feel right. I was hoping it wasn't just me because I really did love the bracelet. I prayed that God would continue to show me who needed this bracelet next.
One day in December, my answey came! My mom had been diagnosed with kidney cancer in November. Thankfully the surgery was going to be in December and everything would be taken care of. Praise God!! A couple of weeks before my mom's surgery I felt God was leading me to give the bracelet to her. It just hit me like I knew it was for her. About a day before my mom's surgery I showed her my bracelet, read the verse, and explained what the bracelet meant to me. I also told her about how God had shown me that I needed to pass it to someone else. Then I proceeded to tell her that the person God told me to give it to was her. I told her that now she has an amazing story to tell of how God saved her life. I know that she also has many times she will tell you about how God has been there for her and her family, but this is a miracle too. She now wears it proudly and loves that I gave it to her. She is fearlessly sharing what God has done for her.
It was awesome to see her share her story today! We were at a furniture store and the lady helping us noticed my mom's bracelet. She asked her what it said and meant. My mom responded with "My daughter gave it to me. It was hers and now I wear it to show people what God has done in my life." She proceeded to tell the women about the diagnosis, her surgery, and how God played a major role in it all. It was just awesome for me to be there when my mom shared. I love her so much. I am glad that God lead me to give it to her. I know that is who He intended it for. I have felt at complete peace knowing it was for her, but it was like God just gave me a little extra cherry on top!:)
We are all called to be witnesses. And bracelet or not, I know you have stories of times God has helped you. Don't hold them in. Share them. They might just be what someone needs to hear. When ever someoneaccepts Jesus into their heart all of Heaven rejoices!!
As I have mentioned before, I am a youth leader at my church. Every summer we go to camp in the Northern Missouri (NOMO) district in Excelsior Springs, Missouri. Each year the leaders and youth get a rubber wristband to keep track of who they are with and also as a memoir. Usually now the wristbands say www.nomo.com, but a couple of years ago was when we received a wristband that really made an impact on me.
The wristband was white, and in black letters are the words "I'm A Witness" next to that is "Acts 1:8". I have held onto that wristband for about three or four years now. I wore it so that I could remind myself that I have a story of my life to tell other people. A story that God wrote, and that I am excited to tell. I am a witness for Him in so many ways! A couple people have asked me what it meant and I was glad to tell them. I wish I ccould say that I had people coming up to me all the time but I can't. However I am thankful for the opportunities I did have. Plus I know there are others ways I can tell people about the amazing things God has done in my life.
This past summer while I was in Mexico on our youth mission trip I heard God telling me that it was time for me to pass on my bracelet to someone else. That it was their time to express that they were witnesses too. (You see these bracelets were specifically made for our camp. They are not sold anywhere else just like that.) I was really excited and figured that meant I should give it to someone in Mexico. I mean how cool would that have been? To give my bracelet to a brother or sister in Christ in another country? Even though I did find someone to give it too, I wasn't sure that that was who God wanted me to give it to. In really wanting to give it to the person God intended, I came back to the states with my bracelet. I was hoping I did the right thing. I would have given it away, but something didn't feel right. I was hoping it wasn't just me because I really did love the bracelet. I prayed that God would continue to show me who needed this bracelet next.
One day in December, my answey came! My mom had been diagnosed with kidney cancer in November. Thankfully the surgery was going to be in December and everything would be taken care of. Praise God!! A couple of weeks before my mom's surgery I felt God was leading me to give the bracelet to her. It just hit me like I knew it was for her. About a day before my mom's surgery I showed her my bracelet, read the verse, and explained what the bracelet meant to me. I also told her about how God had shown me that I needed to pass it to someone else. Then I proceeded to tell her that the person God told me to give it to was her. I told her that now she has an amazing story to tell of how God saved her life. I know that she also has many times she will tell you about how God has been there for her and her family, but this is a miracle too. She now wears it proudly and loves that I gave it to her. She is fearlessly sharing what God has done for her.
It was awesome to see her share her story today! We were at a furniture store and the lady helping us noticed my mom's bracelet. She asked her what it said and meant. My mom responded with "My daughter gave it to me. It was hers and now I wear it to show people what God has done in my life." She proceeded to tell the women about the diagnosis, her surgery, and how God played a major role in it all. It was just awesome for me to be there when my mom shared. I love her so much. I am glad that God lead me to give it to her. I know that is who He intended it for. I have felt at complete peace knowing it was for her, but it was like God just gave me a little extra cherry on top!:)
We are all called to be witnesses. And bracelet or not, I know you have stories of times God has helped you. Don't hold them in. Share them. They might just be what someone needs to hear. When ever someoneaccepts Jesus into their heart all of Heaven rejoices!!
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Im Possible
I was at a store in the mall today and they had a lot of Audrey Hepburn stuff. My brother likes her and so I tend to look at the things with her picture on them just to tell him about them later. It seems like lately there are many items with her picture on them. Anyways I seen one today that just really made me think. There was a picture of her and next to it, it said "Nothing is impossible, the word itself says im possible" Now I know that it was just an Audrey Hepburn picture, and no where in there was a biblical meaning on purpose, but don't we all sometimes get something from God in the weirdest, unexpected ways? I just read that and thought " I have never looked at that word like that before!" It just puts a whole new perspective on things. For me I also wasn't focused on things being possible just because of me. I looked at it like "Yes, I am possible with God. I am capable to do things through His power!" The bible says that Nothing is impossible with God. This perspective just made me realize it even more. I feel I will not look at that word the same anymore. It will not bring me down and make me think something is unreachable. I can look at my obstacles and hear them calling out "im possible, you can overcome me!"
Heaven is for REAL!
If you have not read this book yet, I would highly recommend it! It is my favorite non fiction book of all time, well actually it is probably right underneath the Bible, that book is amazing!
If you have not heard of the book, it is about a 3 year old boy, Colton, (who is now 12) and his experience in Heaven. When he was 3 years old his appendix ruptured and he had to be taken into surgery immediately. About four of months after the surgery, his family finally realized he had seen something extraordinary. None of the doctors reports had showed that Colton had died while one the operating table, yet he came back with great memories of Heaven and what it was like.
I know that there are probably some skeptics out there. Which is why I recommend you read the book. His dad, Todd, was a skeptic too, but he looked through the Bible and compared what Colton said to it. Also, he knew what Colton knew about Heaven and didn't know. I mean what 3 year old can know many things about Heaven? Except for maybe that Jesus is there. They can not give vivid descriptions on words they don't know yet. Not to mention Colton can point out his great grandpa, who died when Colton's dad was 7 years old! I do not want to give too much away. I just suggest you read they book. You may still have some questions, but we can't have all the answers. That is where faith comes in.
However, I do believe in Heaven. I know many of us do. But I would say that I am not looking forward to going there now. I want to be with Jesus someday, but right now I like my time here on Earth. I think what scares me the most is how I, or my loved ones, will get there. I do not like to think about death. It scares me. I do not want to see suffering, yet I do not want it to be an unexpected tragedy. My mind can send me into a panic thinking about it. This book has helped me see that Heaven will be a beautiful place. It is good to know that we will see people we know there, and in their prime. We will be with Jesus all time, and see many things that cannot be described in our language.
I had been wanting to read this book for a while, so I borrowed it from a doctor my sister works for. (I didn't have money to buy it at the time, and when I seen she just finished it I couldn't wait.) After reading the book I found out that Todd, Sonja (Colton's mom), and Colton were going to be at a local church to speak. I was so excited! At first the family was going to speak at Fellowship Bible Church at 5pm and 7 pm January 15th. However all the tickets were gone the first weekend they were available and people were requesting hundreds more! The event got moved to TPAC ( Topeka Performing Arts Center) and was going to be only held at one time, thinking it would fit all the people. WRONG! There were still two event times, and I know both of them were pretty packed. It was amazing! I loved seeing all the people come to listen to a child's trip to Heaven.
Todd and Sonja Burpo with a pastor from FBC
Colton doesn't like to talk in front of a crowd, so his mom and dad were able to answer questions about his trip, and how the family realized they had a miracle to share. However, Colton did come out at the end to sing "Amazing Grace", which fit perfectly for something he had personally experienced!
Colton Burpo
I am so glad that I got to experience this with my family. It was well worth it. I hope that you choose to read the book as well. You won't regret it!
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Expect obstacles
I am a youth leader at my church. Part of my job is to lead the study on Wednesday nights for high school girls. Tonight God showed me something in a new light. It was information I and many of us know, but now I have a better understanding. Like a switch came on.
We started out by reading Matthew 22:34-40. The jist of these verses talk about the greatest commandment; loving the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind. After that comes the second part, love your neighbor as yourself. Some of the questions that corresponded with this reading were, How does loving God allow us to love other people? How does loving people help us to love God more? My girls decided that when we love God we want to do His will. He gives us the love we need for other people. Also, when we see where other people have come from and the things God has brought them through we are overjoyed and reenforced in our faith. We never cease to be amazed at the things God can do. This allows us to fall in love with Him even more! Now, it was the next question that opened my eyes. What is our part in God's plan? It is like God just painted me His strategy....Our part is partly struggles and difficult times! See its His game plan. We need to struggle and go through rough times in order to change, become better, deepen our faith, trust God fully, see His love, and witness His miracles! I looked at it from a sports perspective because that is what one of my girls talked about. When people play a sport the coach talks to the players and says "we need to run this play, then that play". If that doesn't work, the team presses forward with another play. The whole game is played one play at a time, continuously changing with the oppponents defense. Isn't that what God does? I believe that God lets us go on for a while, and then we will be hit with a tough situation. It is His perfect timing because He knows what we can handle. He also knows that it will make us stronger and benefit us. Once we go through that difficult time we have hopefully grown with God. Then maybe God allows us to live our life pretty good, and then here will come another difficult time. Some times are rougher than others, but they all work to make us better. It is like God is saying "ok the plan for your life is to have some struggles and difficult times. I know it will hurt, but it will help shape you in to who I need you to be. I will be with you that whole way. You will overcome many obstacles. By doing this you will reach many people and it will help you be able to show my love to them." You see we find help and strength not only in God but in the people around us. He puts people in our lives who will benefit us. How could we help others if we have never been through rough times? Would we tell them to suck it up and move on? Would be be too concered with ourselves to even bother thinking about someone else? I bet we would, but that is not what God tells us to do. We need to have compassion, understanding, and love for one another.
So if obstacles continue to appear in our path, why are we continually surprised and asking God, why me? God tells us that when we our faith is tested our endurance has a chance to grow. He tells us to rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but to rejoice in our sufferings because suffering produces perserverance, perserverance, character, and character, hope. He tells us to not let our hearts be troubled. He tells us we have a hope and a future. He tells us not to fear. He tells us in this world there will be struggles, but take heart for He has overcome the world. He tells us He will never give us more than we can handle. God knows there will be hard times, yes, but He will get us through. He doesn't say He will take them away. He doesn't say, once you have one hard time you will not have another for a certain length of time. He says that the hard times will help shape who you are in Him.
I know it is uncomfortable to plan for difficult times, but if we grasp that they are always going to be there, maybe we shouldn't be surprised anymore. Maybe we can approach difficulty with a Godly attitude and think "Ok God, I must be ready to progress with you in my walk, please help me to learn what You want me to learn., and grow stronger with You." I am not saying you will not cry, be hurt, angry, sad, or anything like that. Trust me, having emotion is very healthy, but you will be stretched and molded into what God needs you to be. The part you have in His perfect plan.
We started out by reading Matthew 22:34-40. The jist of these verses talk about the greatest commandment; loving the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind. After that comes the second part, love your neighbor as yourself. Some of the questions that corresponded with this reading were, How does loving God allow us to love other people? How does loving people help us to love God more? My girls decided that when we love God we want to do His will. He gives us the love we need for other people. Also, when we see where other people have come from and the things God has brought them through we are overjoyed and reenforced in our faith. We never cease to be amazed at the things God can do. This allows us to fall in love with Him even more! Now, it was the next question that opened my eyes. What is our part in God's plan? It is like God just painted me His strategy....Our part is partly struggles and difficult times! See its His game plan. We need to struggle and go through rough times in order to change, become better, deepen our faith, trust God fully, see His love, and witness His miracles! I looked at it from a sports perspective because that is what one of my girls talked about. When people play a sport the coach talks to the players and says "we need to run this play, then that play". If that doesn't work, the team presses forward with another play. The whole game is played one play at a time, continuously changing with the oppponents defense. Isn't that what God does? I believe that God lets us go on for a while, and then we will be hit with a tough situation. It is His perfect timing because He knows what we can handle. He also knows that it will make us stronger and benefit us. Once we go through that difficult time we have hopefully grown with God. Then maybe God allows us to live our life pretty good, and then here will come another difficult time. Some times are rougher than others, but they all work to make us better. It is like God is saying "ok the plan for your life is to have some struggles and difficult times. I know it will hurt, but it will help shape you in to who I need you to be. I will be with you that whole way. You will overcome many obstacles. By doing this you will reach many people and it will help you be able to show my love to them." You see we find help and strength not only in God but in the people around us. He puts people in our lives who will benefit us. How could we help others if we have never been through rough times? Would we tell them to suck it up and move on? Would be be too concered with ourselves to even bother thinking about someone else? I bet we would, but that is not what God tells us to do. We need to have compassion, understanding, and love for one another.
So if obstacles continue to appear in our path, why are we continually surprised and asking God, why me? God tells us that when we our faith is tested our endurance has a chance to grow. He tells us to rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but to rejoice in our sufferings because suffering produces perserverance, perserverance, character, and character, hope. He tells us to not let our hearts be troubled. He tells us we have a hope and a future. He tells us not to fear. He tells us in this world there will be struggles, but take heart for He has overcome the world. He tells us He will never give us more than we can handle. God knows there will be hard times, yes, but He will get us through. He doesn't say He will take them away. He doesn't say, once you have one hard time you will not have another for a certain length of time. He says that the hard times will help shape who you are in Him.
I know it is uncomfortable to plan for difficult times, but if we grasp that they are always going to be there, maybe we shouldn't be surprised anymore. Maybe we can approach difficulty with a Godly attitude and think "Ok God, I must be ready to progress with you in my walk, please help me to learn what You want me to learn., and grow stronger with You." I am not saying you will not cry, be hurt, angry, sad, or anything like that. Trust me, having emotion is very healthy, but you will be stretched and molded into what God needs you to be. The part you have in His perfect plan.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Blessings in difficulty
My mom and I are very close. She is my best friend. I love that we are able to talk about anything. She has always been there for me when I need her. I know that God created her just for me :). He knew what I would need in a mother and He gave me the perfect one. I also have realized that God gave her the daughter she would need as well. God puts the people together to make a family that He designed. He knows how each one will be just what the other needs. Isn't that amazing!
Even though it was a very sad time when my mom had cancer, it was great to see God's hand at work now looking back. He makes ALL things work together for our good. That means the difficult times as well.
Today was the last full day I got to spend with my mom. She will head back to work half days for the rest of the week tomorrow and then full time next week. I was sad thinking about how I am going to miss all the time we have gotten to spend together. That is when I started looking at how much God has worked on me just this last month. God showed me He had full control when He allowed my mom's surgery and my graduation to be at the same times. I really needed Him to push me out of the way and remind me that I need to trust Him fully. He is always there. After that it was sort of a rough Christmas season, but it allowed me to talk to me mom about things I hadn't gotten and chance to say. I was also able to ask for her help in my growth and to not give up on me. I know I will grow and change more because I have the desire now. There are some things I had not been willing to let go of, and I couldn't understand why. God opened my eyes to the way I was, how it came across and now I know I need to change. More importantly I want to change. I want my family and friends to know I love them and do not take them for granted. I am truly thankful for the love God has given me through them. I don't want to hurt them anymore. Of course the biggest blessing is that my mom is cancer-free! Thanks so much Father! I can't say thank You enough for all You have brought my family through. We are very blessed.
I am so thankful for the time I have gotten to spend with my mom. I know it has been great growth for both of us and it happened in God's perfect timing. This may have been a difficult time, but I know God used it to help me grow as well. I didn't think that me and my mom could be any closer, but we are now. We are on a whole other level. God's level! I Love you Mom! I pray you have a great year growing with God more and more :)
Even though it was a very sad time when my mom had cancer, it was great to see God's hand at work now looking back. He makes ALL things work together for our good. That means the difficult times as well.
Today was the last full day I got to spend with my mom. She will head back to work half days for the rest of the week tomorrow and then full time next week. I was sad thinking about how I am going to miss all the time we have gotten to spend together. That is when I started looking at how much God has worked on me just this last month. God showed me He had full control when He allowed my mom's surgery and my graduation to be at the same times. I really needed Him to push me out of the way and remind me that I need to trust Him fully. He is always there. After that it was sort of a rough Christmas season, but it allowed me to talk to me mom about things I hadn't gotten and chance to say. I was also able to ask for her help in my growth and to not give up on me. I know I will grow and change more because I have the desire now. There are some things I had not been willing to let go of, and I couldn't understand why. God opened my eyes to the way I was, how it came across and now I know I need to change. More importantly I want to change. I want my family and friends to know I love them and do not take them for granted. I am truly thankful for the love God has given me through them. I don't want to hurt them anymore. Of course the biggest blessing is that my mom is cancer-free! Thanks so much Father! I can't say thank You enough for all You have brought my family through. We are very blessed.
I am so thankful for the time I have gotten to spend with my mom. I know it has been great growth for both of us and it happened in God's perfect timing. This may have been a difficult time, but I know God used it to help me grow as well. I didn't think that me and my mom could be any closer, but we are now. We are on a whole other level. God's level! I Love you Mom! I pray you have a great year growing with God more and more :)
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Priceless Masterpiece
Ever since I was a little girl I have loved looking at the night sky. There was just something beautiful about the billions of stars that scattered the dark abyss above, and the moon, full or crescent with its radiant light. I can't even find words to describle how much I love the night sky. I used to live on the out skirts of town growing up and I must say that that is where it is the most glorious. (The city lights block many of the stars that we could see each night.) In my room growing up I used to have those little glow in the dark stars pinned to my ceiling. Every night I, or my mom, would turn on my light a little before I would go to sleep so the stars would be able to glow brightly. My blinds would also be open so I could see the light of the moon shine through. I just felt so comfortable falling asleep like that. One thing I wish I would have done at my old house was to crawl up on the roof and sit there to gaze at the sky. My bedroom window opened up all the way, and the screen could pop out so it would have been easy to step out on the roof. I longed to do that so many times, but I didn't get the chance.
Once somethings started happening in my life I think I started to forget how much I enjoyed looking at the stars. About a year or so ago my eyes were opened again. I realized that since my bed is under a window I am able to open the blinds and look up at the moon and stars again as I go to sleep. I don't need to tell you that just about every night I do just that. I will fall asleep with my face towards the stars or in the moonlight. It is in this moment that I am the most comfortable.
I know that my love for the night sky comes from my Lord, and Savior. Each time I look up I can feel His magnificent love all around me. It is so beautiful to me. Knowing that He created ALL of those stars, planets, and galaxies is amazing. What a gorgious work of art. I know you probably get the picture but I just can't describe enough how the night sky makes me feel.
I could stay outside for hours finding constellations, looking for shooting stars, meteor showers, looking through a telescope (one day I will own one!), and of course praying and talking with God.
I don't know how you feel about the night sky, but I hope that I was able to give you a new perspective. Our amazing Father provided us with a beautiful picture. It is there every night. What will you think about the next time you look up at it? I suggest you take some time to really marvel at this masterpiece. I pray you feel God's love, peace, and comfort as well! Goodnight :)
Once somethings started happening in my life I think I started to forget how much I enjoyed looking at the stars. About a year or so ago my eyes were opened again. I realized that since my bed is under a window I am able to open the blinds and look up at the moon and stars again as I go to sleep. I don't need to tell you that just about every night I do just that. I will fall asleep with my face towards the stars or in the moonlight. It is in this moment that I am the most comfortable.
I know that my love for the night sky comes from my Lord, and Savior. Each time I look up I can feel His magnificent love all around me. It is so beautiful to me. Knowing that He created ALL of those stars, planets, and galaxies is amazing. What a gorgious work of art. I know you probably get the picture but I just can't describe enough how the night sky makes me feel.
I could stay outside for hours finding constellations, looking for shooting stars, meteor showers, looking through a telescope (one day I will own one!), and of course praying and talking with God.
I don't know how you feel about the night sky, but I hope that I was able to give you a new perspective. Our amazing Father provided us with a beautiful picture. It is there every night. What will you think about the next time you look up at it? I suggest you take some time to really marvel at this masterpiece. I pray you feel God's love, peace, and comfort as well! Goodnight :)
Saturday, January 7, 2012
When one door closes.....another opens
I have been exited for 2012 for a while now. Many people know that my favorite number is 12. Even more that my birthday is 2/12...so therefore I am excited for 2012 if you catch my drift. Even with that though I know that my real blessings come from God. He has provided for me over and over again. Sometimes I don't feel like I deserve all the things He has done in my life....He SAVED me....literally!
Many of my blog posts last year were about the different ways that God has provided for me. I am extremely thankful. Towards the end of 2011 I was ending another chapter in my life when I received my bachelors degree. Although it was amazing to be done with school for a while, I was also nervous about the next step in my life. I started to pray during the beginning of the semester "Please God, show me what I am supposed to do next. I want to do your will. Please lead me in the direction You want me to go." I do want to achieve a masters degreee someday, but I wasn't sure if God wanted me to jump into that after finishing my bachelors or get into the workforce for a while. I kept on praying that prayer all throughout my last semester at school. Don't get me wrong, I had still been looking at colleges and other jobs about a year ago, but couldn't make any major decisions until my graduation time came closer. Again this semester I started looking at colleges and gathering information. I also looked at places that would allow me to use my degree and if there were any job opportunities there. I even considered moving closer to a school I wanted to attend and find a job around there. I knew God would show me what to do, but I still needed to do the work and start exploring my options.
Well wouldn't you know it, God came through, like He ALWAYS does. Exactly two nights after I graduated I was spending the night at the hospital with my mom. I decided to bring my computer to look for job opportunities. I found a couple I was interested in, but for one of them I needed a printer in order to fill out the applicaiton. I ended up filling out one application that night and actually submitted it at about 1:00 a.m. At the time I thought I would go home the next day and print the other application and fill it out as well. Interestingly enough that didn't happen. God moved in that one application. I went in for an interview 2 weeks later, and got a call a week and a half after that that said I was being offered the job. WOW GOD! I know that it was Him that lead me to fill out applications that night. I know it was Him answering my prayers in showing me what He wanted me to do next. In a funny way I feel like the problems I have had with my car, and computer were a sign. A sign that was telling me that right now I need to have a job so I can get some things I have not been able to afford while being a student. I know that God provides, but you still need to be willing to put forth the effort. It has been a blessing for God to stretch my money over these last 6 years while getting my degree, but now it's time to take another step. Another cool piece to this is that the night before I found out I got my new job I was at church and I felt God tell me I could tithe a little bit more this year. I was actually joyful like "sure God I would love to do that".Not once did it really cross my mind where that would come from. God knew.
It is a blessing that God started 2012 off with a big step. I have been praying that this year would be a year of growth, healing, and the development of a deeper relationship with Him. I am excited to see what this year is going to bring. I love You Lord!
Many of my blog posts last year were about the different ways that God has provided for me. I am extremely thankful. Towards the end of 2011 I was ending another chapter in my life when I received my bachelors degree. Although it was amazing to be done with school for a while, I was also nervous about the next step in my life. I started to pray during the beginning of the semester "Please God, show me what I am supposed to do next. I want to do your will. Please lead me in the direction You want me to go." I do want to achieve a masters degreee someday, but I wasn't sure if God wanted me to jump into that after finishing my bachelors or get into the workforce for a while. I kept on praying that prayer all throughout my last semester at school. Don't get me wrong, I had still been looking at colleges and other jobs about a year ago, but couldn't make any major decisions until my graduation time came closer. Again this semester I started looking at colleges and gathering information. I also looked at places that would allow me to use my degree and if there were any job opportunities there. I even considered moving closer to a school I wanted to attend and find a job around there. I knew God would show me what to do, but I still needed to do the work and start exploring my options.
Well wouldn't you know it, God came through, like He ALWAYS does. Exactly two nights after I graduated I was spending the night at the hospital with my mom. I decided to bring my computer to look for job opportunities. I found a couple I was interested in, but for one of them I needed a printer in order to fill out the applicaiton. I ended up filling out one application that night and actually submitted it at about 1:00 a.m. At the time I thought I would go home the next day and print the other application and fill it out as well. Interestingly enough that didn't happen. God moved in that one application. I went in for an interview 2 weeks later, and got a call a week and a half after that that said I was being offered the job. WOW GOD! I know that it was Him that lead me to fill out applications that night. I know it was Him answering my prayers in showing me what He wanted me to do next. In a funny way I feel like the problems I have had with my car, and computer were a sign. A sign that was telling me that right now I need to have a job so I can get some things I have not been able to afford while being a student. I know that God provides, but you still need to be willing to put forth the effort. It has been a blessing for God to stretch my money over these last 6 years while getting my degree, but now it's time to take another step. Another cool piece to this is that the night before I found out I got my new job I was at church and I felt God tell me I could tithe a little bit more this year. I was actually joyful like "sure God I would love to do that".Not once did it really cross my mind where that would come from. God knew.
It is a blessing that God started 2012 off with a big step. I have been praying that this year would be a year of growth, healing, and the development of a deeper relationship with Him. I am excited to see what this year is going to bring. I love You Lord!
Monday, January 2, 2012
Burnett's Mound
There are many times that I stuggle with finding fun and interesting places in Topeka, Kansas. Many different times throughout the year there are a lack of things to do for cheap or even free. The summer time is hot and it is sometimes hard to find nice cool places to be. Then in the winter it is cold and snowy and many people want to stay inside. (I however love the snow and enjoy playing in it and sledding, but I do see many other's points). In the end, no matter how much I complain, I know Topeka is my home. It is not about the things to do or lack there of, but the family and friends that I have here. I have a very good friend who would disagree with the lack of things to do. She is very creative and can continuously come up with things to do and for that I am thankful! I say all of this to introduce one of my favorite places to go in Topeka. Burnett's Mound.
I didn't get to take a picture of the actual hill this time. Usually I am just so excited to get to the view at the top. It is beautiful! Burnett's Mound, is located on the south edge of Topeka, and is said to be named after Indian Chief Abram Burnett. It is one of the highest points in the city. Here is a link for additional information if you would like to read about it .http://www.kshs.org/kansapedia/abram-burnett/11999 . This Wikipedia link is about the F5 tornado that ripped through Topeka in 1966. Legend says that Burnett's Mound was supposed to protect the city. Just a bit of fun information if you would like to read about it http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1966_Topeka_tornado.
I enjoy Burnett's mound because you get a panoramic view of Topeka. On a clear day you can see I would day about 10 miles out. It is amazing! Me and some friends went up to Burnetts Mound on New Year's Eve. I think it was a great way to end the year. I got some neat pictures and enjoyed some reflaction time. I hope to go up there more throughout the year. It is a nice walk up and a great place to talk, reflect, think, take picutres, even have a picnic!
I didn't get to take a picture of the actual hill this time. Usually I am just so excited to get to the view at the top. It is beautiful! Burnett's Mound, is located on the south edge of Topeka, and is said to be named after Indian Chief Abram Burnett. It is one of the highest points in the city. Here is a link for additional information if you would like to read about it .http://www.kshs.org/kansapedia/abram-burnett/11999 . This Wikipedia link is about the F5 tornado that ripped through Topeka in 1966. Legend says that Burnett's Mound was supposed to protect the city. Just a bit of fun information if you would like to read about it http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1966_Topeka_tornado.
I really enjoy the different effects my camera can do!
I enjoy Burnett's mound because you get a panoramic view of Topeka. On a clear day you can see I would day about 10 miles out. It is amazing! Me and some friends went up to Burnetts Mound on New Year's Eve. I think it was a great way to end the year. I got some neat pictures and enjoyed some reflaction time. I hope to go up there more throughout the year. It is a nice walk up and a great place to talk, reflect, think, take picutres, even have a picnic!
Some of my friends on an old tree trunk
Again I was just trying to take some cool pictures. I am better with landscapes rather than people. But I am trying!
This picture looked pretty cool. I think Janae is very photogenic! (I am kind of jealous.)
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