Planning Ahead

A lot has happened at the end of this year. I want to start off by saying that it is definitely important to plan ahead and save money.

I took the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace class in September 2010. I really enjoyed how my view of money changed and that I was able to be on a budget. I knew I had the money to pay for things I needed, but I really like being able to see what I have money for now because it is split into different categories. I know that no matter how much you plan and save there can be many money emergencies. It seems like just as you start to build your emergency fund, something comes up. That is what has happened to me. Luckily God has provided for me. Each time I have had just enough to cover my emergencies, but I was disappointed because I had to start over.

This year God has really shown me how He has given me the money I need to do the things I need to do plus the things I want to do. I have shared those miracles in some previous posts. Now that the end of the year is coming up I have gotten some new things that I have needed for a while. One of them was a camera. I got a good deal on it an after Thanksgiving sale. Yes I did put it on a Best Buy credit card, but I am trying to build a good credit report. With school being almost over I was sad becasue my computer was dying. It was going off and started to quit on me. Not surprising because it was 6 years old. I am glad that it had lasted me all thoroughout school, but then the time came for a new computer. I also got a great deal on it as well. It was a total of $372 on my part! That includes Microsoft Office product key! What helped a lot was that I got a $100 gift card for Christmas from my mom.

I am not the kind of girl who likes to wait for the things I want. When I need it, I want it right then, and I dont like to research my options. That has gotten me in trouble in the past. With my camera and my computer, I did put research into it. I also waited as long as I could and worked with my broken computer because I knew I didn't have the money to pay for a new one like I wanted. Even though it came down to the fact that I could not go on with the old one I feel that God lead me to the computer I would get. He even lowered the price for me.

I know that I probably could have put more money towards a saving and emergency fund, but I don't make a lot of money. God has provided me with everything I have though, and I know it could have worked. I know now that I do want to start saving better, but I am glad that God showed me in His gentle way. My thinking before was "well when I need it I will have to get it whether I have money or not". That was not a good attitude. I know now that I need to prepare more for what I need. Even when I dont think that it will break ( I had no idea my computer would go down hill so fast).

From me to you, plan ahead. I know that we can not plan ahead for everything, but as long as we are trying, God will work it out.

Another blessing in my life was receiving a piano for Christmas. I have been wanting one for a while now and God answered that prayer through my brother. I had someone else who wanted to give me one, but it was uncomfortable. I believe since I was obedient and willing to give up something that I wanted because the circumstances weren't right God blessed me even more. I did not know I was going to get one for Christmas. It was such a blessing and I am glad it came from my brother!

Full Control

This past Friday, December 16th, I graduated from Washburn University. I know that in a previous blog I posted that my family was going through a difficult time and that I was not going to attend my ceremony. After a lot of praying, thinking, and talking with family and friends, I decided that I would still walk. I know that I wanted to, but still did not like the fact that my mom was going to be going through surgery that same day, missing my graduation. I know that sounds selfish, but my mom has been there for me for everything. No matter what I go through she has been there and that is what I look for the most. I feel like I can't do anything without my mom. She gives me strength when I feel down, encouragement for the times I want to give up, support in my goals, prayers for guidence, wisdom, input, love, and so much more.

Not only was my mom not going to be able to watch me graduate, I also knew I was going to be worried about her and uneasy at my graduation until I found out how she was doing. When we first found out that my mom was having her surgery on December 16th it was going to be at 1:30 p.m. After the initial sadness I thought "well God at least I will be able to know how she is doing before I graduate". So that was good. About a week and a half before the surgery my mom got a call from the Dr. The surgery was going to be at 3:30 p.m. and would take 1 1/2 to 2 hours. I was told to be at the site of graduation by 5:45 pm. I thought "ok God that is close but 2 hours would be 5:30 so please let me still be able to know how my mom is before I leave for graduation". I was sad that it was later in the day, but I knew this was something I couldn't control. I, like many of us, like to have control of what I can. It is hard for me to give things over to God because I feel like He will not give me what I want. I think that in this situation I knew it was out of my control, so I was able to give it more to God. Or so I thought.

The day of my mom's surgery came and we got to the hospital around 1:30 p.m. like the Dr requested. As 3:30 came around I started to wonder why the nurses had not come in to prep her for surgery and get the IV's going. About 3:35 the nurse came in and started checking my mom's paperwork and checking that she knew what she was going to have done. Then the news. Her surgery was scheduled for 6:00 p.m. My heart sank. My graduation started at 6:30 and I automatically knew that I was going to have to go through graduation away from my mom, and unaware of how the surgery went until after. I remember thinking "how could you do this to me God? What am I supposed to learn from this? This hurts, not only is it the same day, but now the same time?" Despite my questions, I was able to leave for my graduation a bit teary eyed while giving my mom a hug, kiss, and telling her I would see her later. My brother went with me to my graduation while my sister and some other family members stayed with my mom.

While lining up for graduation and throughout the duration I was at peace. I was more calm than I thought I would be and I know that it was from God. In asking my brother later why he thought God wanted me to go through it I came to find my answer. I felt like God was telling me that even though I gave Him some control, I did not let Him have it all. Did you notice that I said earlier that I was ok as long as I would know the outcome before I left for graduation? That was still wanting control. I knew I did not have a lot in the situation, but I held on to what I could. I still wanted to know how my mom was before I could go on to what I had to do. God showed me that He had to take full control. He had to show me that He could take care of my mom without me. He needed to push me away to where I had no control just to show me that He loved me and that He does not want to hurt me. God was telling me "Rachael I can be there for you, and your mom at the same time. Just because we can't be where we want to be it does not mean that something bad will happen. You need to give me control and trust that I will not hurt you." That was amazing to hear.

I need to mention that I had a great brother, and amazing friends who came to support me. No it was not my mom, but God used this for His good. He showed me that I have people who care about me, love me, will encouage me, and be there for me when I need them. It was so overwhelming to see that I am cared about so much. Thanks God for placing an extended family in my life. I pray that I am able to be there for them like they are there for me. Amen.

A God Opportunity

I had the chance to be a bell ringer with my niece and brother for the Salvation Army. Every year Chris and Allison sign up to ring the Salvation Army bell for her 4-H group. This year for my brother's birthday I gave him a gift certificate of my "time" because he really enjoys being with people. He has been saving it so I would go bell ringing with him and Allison. This was perfect because in a previous blog post I wrote about a bell ringer at HyVee that I was challenged by. I decided to say "Merry Christmas, God Bless You" to each bell ringer I see. I have done it more times than not, however I haven't done it every time. Sometimes I am shy, or feel silly, but I know I shouldn't. Today I felt this was God giving me the opportunity to complete my challenge. Not only to greet the bell ringers, but to be a bell ringer and greet each person walking by.

I am happy to say that I did well with my challenge. I was able to say "Merry Christmas, God Bless You" to many people! I am thankful that God gave me the opportunity, and that I was able to do what I set out to do. I hope that I was able to plant a seed in someone's life today. I was obedient, now it is up to God to do the rest!

Caught in the Middle

I am a big fan of music. Many songs can make me go from happy to sad, or vice versa, in an instant. The lyrics really touch my heart, and it seems like the perfect song comes on at just the right time.


There is a song called "Somewhere in the Middle" by Casting Crowns, and I have had it since 2007. You know how sometimes you want to listen to certain songs, but ignore others? Or you may even listen to them but there just isn't a connection? That is what happened to me with this song. I have heard it before, but until yesterday I really hadn't given it much of a chance. The song came of my iPhone during my workout. I have been having a lot on my mind lately and someone (God :) ) told me to not skip it this time. I listened to the words very carefully and it was of course just what I needed to hear.


"Somewhere in the Middle" is about being caught in the middle of what you want and what you know is better for you, God's plan. I can't just pick out certain parts of the song because it is all great to me. Here are the lyrics, but I do suggest you listen to it as well.

Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense

Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle

I am so grateful that God reminds us that we are not alone in our struggles. I know that, or I try to tell myself, but when I am down I feel alone. Not to mention that the enemy doesn't help. He begins to plant thoughts in my head that lead to a domino effect of negative thoughts. By the end I have beat myself up and feel unworthy of what God has to offer. But that is not true.

This song told me that I am not the only one wrestling with what I want and what God has for me. I am not the only one caught in the middle of knowing God is amazing and faithful, but still holding on to what I want thinking He won't come through this time. The bible talks about how everything we go through is not new. No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face . All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; He'll never let you be pushed past your limit; He'll always be there to help you come through it. - 1 Corinthians 10:13. There is no situation we will face that someone else has not been through. More importantly God can overcome every situation, so we are NEVER alone. 

I believe I have overlooked this song for four years because God had the perfect time He was going to need me to listen to it. At just the right time, it was going to be His voice telling me that He is right there. Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle.

Ready or Not

The past couple of weeks have been kind of rough for me. However, I do see God's hand in my life, and I am so glad that He has been healing me.

 In one of my past posts I mentioned how I went through some tough times that made me realize that my emotions had been missing for a long time. I came to the conclusion that in order for me to live, God needed to shut me down for a while and then restart me when I was ready, and when I was willing to let Him be my help. The road has been long, but I am so happy to report that even though I have not completely arrived, I would say I am a great deal of the way on my journey. To be perfectly honest it is a lifelong journey, so I can not say I will ever fully arrive because events, good or bad, happen in our life and we have to deal with them all the time. I just know that I want to continue to get better each time I am faced with something. I know that I have gone though lots of prayer and healing, thanks to a very special friend, and I was able to see my progress in the way that I have taken things the past couple of weeks. Mind you, I will say that I was devestated, sad, angry, and hurt, but another good friend needed to remind me "that at least your feeling something!"

On November 11, my family accompanied my mom to the dr.'s office because she had complained of a pain in her stomach and the dr. ordered a sonogram. This was the day the results came in, and I did not have a good feeling about it. The results showed a mass 3 inches long on her kidney, and his diognosis-renal cancer. That was such a blow to my stomach and I about broke down and cried right there. But I knew I had to be strong for my mom so I stayed silent. I had so many thoughts running through my head, including stopping myself from going into a panic attack, and or running out the door. I stayed with my family that night and was just processing everything when I knew God was starting to tell me something. He told me that He never gives us anything we can't handle. He knows what I have been through in the past and how much healing I have received. He told me that I am now healthy enough to go through this. He wouldn't let it hurt me or let me regress back to what I was before. How amazing it was to know that God was there with me and that I needed to not be afraid of bad things that happen in my life in fear that I will shut down again. There is a healthy way of dealing with things and that is the next step for me. I am ready! It doesn't mean that when bad things happen I will be happy, it just means I will have emotion and deal with them correctly. After hearing this from God I was happy that He showed me this new outlook. The rest of the evening with my mom and brother finished up with a late dinner, laughs, and watching a TV show we all enjoy. It was all going to be ok!

I woke up first the next morning because I had a weekend class I had to be at by 8:30. It was about 7:00 when I checked the time on my phone and seen that I had a missed call from my aunt and missed call and voicemail from mycousin. Listening to the voicemail it confirmed what I already knew...my aunt (my mom's older sister) had passed away during the night. I woke my mom and brother up in a panicked cry. After letting them know what happened, I started getting ready to go see family and make food to take. During this time I just prayed to God and said "wow I must really be ready to handle things God because I just got hit with something else." During the time with my family and my aunt's wake and funeral I was really upset. I cried, and had many thoughts going through my head. Life it too short! What is going to happen to my mom? I can't go through what my cousins are going through right now! My aunt was supposed to tell me more stories of my family history! We were supposed to make tamales together and watch KU games! Why did this have to happen? At some points I felt I wouldn't be able to handle all of it, but I just thought about how God would use this to help me.

The week's have calmed down quite a bit but with my mom's dr. appointments worry sets in off and on. I feel like my emotions have been on the craziest rollercoaster ever. At some points I have been so upset I thought that I was better off when I didn't feel anything. During those times I would cry out to God, apologize and just ask him to help me through. It has been rough. With my brother coming in from out of town, I am on edge because we don't get along too well. My feelings of unworthiness, insecurity, and wanting to please everyone around me even if it means I am not being who I really am set in. Along with the loss of a 5 year unhealthy friendship that I dont feel like I can fight for anymore. Playing "Prayer for a Friend" by Casting Crowns has allowed me to shed a lot of tears and really make me think that the best, and last thing I can do is give them over to God, even though I feel lost.

Through all this though, I know God is with me. Yesterday I sobbed and cried so hard out to him, then I fell asleep. When I woke up I felt so much better and like I had a complete change in my thoughts. I know that He gave me strength and took away many of my worries. With the new year coming in, I know our family will start out with a victory! My mom's surgery is December 16th, and they are removing her left kidney. The CT scans have showed that the cancer has not spread, PRAISE GOD! Even with the good news of my mom's surgery, I was hurt because that is the day of my graduation. Now she would not be able to be there for me. It would be a milestone in my life that I would have liked to share with her. I don't know why God planned it that way, but I have to trust that maybe in time we will find out. I also have to trust that He works all things out for our good. I have made the decision, with God's guidence, that I will not participate in my graduation ceremony. I know that that day I will be right where I am supposed to be...with my family.

Ready or not...God gave me my emotions back...He knows I am ready. I hope I learn to work with them and continue my walk to healing. I can not stress enough how important our emotions are. I pray that everyone who is emotionally shut down allows God to open them up. Emotions don't mean you are weak, they mean you are HEALTHY!

Why

I have been wanting to write this blog post for a while and now I am sitting down to do it. I pray it is uplifting for you. I just feel I need to share it because we all need to be reminded of our absolutely beautiful song.

Rascal Flatts is one of my favorite secular bands. One day during naptime at my job (I work at a daycare) I was you tubing some of their songs and listening to them. I came across one I hadn't heard before, but knowing I like the band I clicked to listen. It was titled "Why". This song had tears welling up in my eyes in seconds, but by the end I was reminded of hope and stength in God and how beautiful life is!

In case you haven't heard this song before, it is about suicide. I do reccomend you listen to it, but if it is too personal for you I understand. It is on my playlist at the bottom of the page, or you can YouTube it. I must say that yes the song is sad, but the ending is what lifts me up. I personally do not struggle with suicide, but I know that sadly many people do. Some days I do feel like giving up on certain situations, but it is heartbreaking to think that some believe that all hope is lost, and their life is not worth living. This song really touched my heart. Here is a warning if you do not want to go any further because I am going to put the lyrics.

It must have been a place so dark you couldn't feel the light,

reachin' for you though that stormy cloud. Now here wae are gathered in our little home town, this cant be the way you meant to draw a crowd. Oh why, thats why I keep askin'. Was there anything I could've said or done? Oh I had no clue you were maskin' a troubled soul, God only knows what went wrong and why you would leave the stage in the middle of a song.

Now in my mind I keep you frozen as a seventeen year old. Roundin' third to score the winning run. You always played with passion no matter what the game. When you took the stage you shine just like the sun. Oh why thats what I keep askin'. Was there anything I could've said or done? Oh I had no clue you were maskin' a troubled soul, oh God only knows what went wrong and why you would leave the stage in the middle of a song.

Now the oak trees are swayin', in the early atutumn breeze, the golden sun shinging on my face. The tangled thoughts I hear a mockingbird sing this whole world really ain't that bad a place. Oh why there's no comprehending and who am I to try to judge or explain. Oh but I do have one burning question, who told you life wasn't worth the fight? They were wrong, they lied, now your gone and we cried, cuz its not like you to walk away in the middle of a song. Your beautiful song. Your absolutely beautiful song.

I underlined the part of the song that I really like the most. It really made me think and choke up. Yes, this world can be hard at times and  there are things we want to give up and let go of, but please don't let go of your life. Dont let your enemy tell you to give up. Don't let him lie to you and tell you that your not worth anything. Life is worth fighting for! It is your beautiful song that God gave you!

God Bless You

I went to Hyvee tonight to pick up some food for my family. It is that time of year when there are bell ringers outside the stores for the Salvation Army. I am sure you have seen them by now. I don't really have cash on me much so I am not a frequent donator, but tonight I had a dollar so I put it in the bucket. The lady surprised me because she said "Merry Christmas, God Bless You". I was so surprised. I had to stop and thank her for not only saying Merry Christmas instead of Happy Holidays, but also for adding God Bless You! I told her I really appreciated it because many bell ringers and checkers at stores say Happy Holidays more often than Merry Christmas.
It was so meaningful to me that I am challenging myself and want to invite you to join in. I plan on during this Christmas season to start carrying some cash with me so I am able to put in at least a dollar for many bell ringers. I would like to hear their response, and even if they say "Happy Holidays", I will reply with "Merry Christmas, God Bless You". I don't know what they will say or do, maybe nothing, but I hope to at least get them thinking about the true meaning of Christmas. Who knows, maybe it will be just the words someone may need to hear. I know that tonight I did, it was God's perfect timing.

If you choose to take the challenge with me I would love to hear comments on any responses or God moments happened because of it.

Thanks for Your Service!

As you may know, today is Veteran's Day. Growing up in a military family, I have always had pride for the United States Armed Forces. Many times when I see veteran's I go up to them and thank them for their service. I like seeing the older gentleman who proudly wear their hats that show which war they served in. It is a privalege to see those who have served in WWII or Vietnam because they have been through a lot of history. They have some of the best war stories. However, I have repect for and enjoy listening to any war story.

I just wanted to take time out today to thank all those who have served and are currently serving in our Armed Forces. Your dedication to protecting our country is greatly appreciatied. I would also like to thank the familes that give up their loved ones during this difficult time. I know that not only is your family member giving up their life, but you are too. Holidays, birthdays, and just every day life and its struggles without your loved ones is hard.

I wanted to take time out and personally recognize some of my family and friends who have served in the military. Thanks so much and Happy Veteran's Day!

My father, brother-Chris, Dornella Leal, Eric Bohmke, David Gage, Doug Hickman, Terry Knowles

My brother-Ray, Michael Glaubitz, Sarah Marsh, Ryan Marsh, James McDonald, Suzettte Smith, Joe Escalante, Duane Fisher

My uncle- Raymond Tetuan, Christina Lopez, Raymond Fisher

Renette Coleman, Kevin Nutter,

I am sorry if I forgot someone but know I thank you too! God Bless!

Happy Birthday DEVIL DOGS!

Today is the 236th birthday of the United States Marine Corps! OORAH!

Marine Corps Seal- Eagle, Globe and Anchor

My brother joined the Marine Corps when I was 1 year old. I can tell you that I have just as much pride in the Marines as he does and he was the one who served. Growing up I knew that my dad was a marine and my brother, Chris was a marine. Or should I say IS. Once a marine, always a marine- is their motto. That is very strong to me. To know that no matter where they go,  they have a certain comraderie with others who have served as the Pesident's Own. Yes, this is another name for the smallest military force we have. The United States Marines are commancded by the president. They are the only force that the president can send into a situation without consulting anyone else.

This is one of my favorite helicopters the Marine's have- except it is known as "the widowmaker"

I just think it looks pretty cool. Apparently many have gone down :(



 I guess you could say that I am so proud that my father and brother's, my other brother Ray was in the Air Force, served their country well. My father served in the Vietnam war, while my brothers served in the Persian Gulf War. It is a good thing that I wasn't born for one, and was too little to remember for the other because who knows how I would have handled it. I know it was hard on my mom to not only have her husband serve overseas, but then two sons as well. She is very proud of them.

 I am thankful to be a Marine Corps sister, and so proud of my brother. He is truly an amaing man!

Again, Happy Birthday to all the Marines. Thank you for laying down your life for our country. We will never be able to repay you. If you know or see any Marines today, be sure to wish them a Happy Birthday!

If the Army and the Navy ever look on Heaven's scene, they will see the streets are guarded by  United States Marines!





Emotions

I don't know who I am,
Who You created me to be,
But I know that it is stirring
deep inside of me.

What I really long for
I hope to find one day
and each I am night praying
"God please lead the way."

Show me the fire,
That you put inside my heart,
So I can do Your work,
and finally play my part.

I know I will get better,
On being the real me,
I know that I am healing,
One day I'll be free!

This is the first poem I have written in years! Sorry that it is not that great, but I hope to get better. I used to have verses come into my head all the time, but once I got emotionally traumatized it stopped. I have to say that I am so excited to have my mind back to doing this. I used to love writing poems. I know that God created me to be an emotional person and to feel deep, but I lost this for a long time. I really don't know everything about myself yet, but I hope the real me comes out little by little. I know that sounds weird but I have been searching for myself for a long time. I pray that this is another step that God has for me. I used to be a person who was carefree and went with the flow. More recently I am needing to be in control of everything. I know it has to do with a lot of things that were taken away from my life at once, and in order to stop that I numbed myself and took control. I need to give control back over to God and just be happy and live every day as it comes. Sorry if I am just rambling, but I just needed to think this out. I didn't know when the day would come that my emotions would be back in this way, but I am very happy. Thank you God, this is a great blessing to me. A very happy ending to a not so great day. But I know now that I can turn it around with God's help and love! :)

God's still providing

In case you haven't read my other blog posts on God providing what I need, you may want to go back and check those out. If not I can give you a little summary. I am a full time student, working part time, but yet God still gives me just the right amount of money to live. Many times I am still able to do fun things I want to do. God is amazing like that!

God provided again today. Back in the middle of July through the middle of August I worked for the substance abuse task force for the military. (I am in the Air National Guard). It was an assignment I was offered, and I was thankful for the opportunity. It allowed me to work full time for a month, and get a good amount of pay. I already had plans for the paychecks I would be getting. First I would save up for to pay for my schooling for this last semester (I am graduating in December), get ahead on my bills, and start saving so that once I started school I would not be living pay check to pay check. Since school takes most of my money I was glad to get that paid off first!

Since I am in the air guard I get money for school tuition, plus money monthly for expenses. For my tuition assistance I hand in a paper every semester that says I am still in the guard, and the school uses that paper to process with the military how much money I will get. This is the same for every person in my situation. The school talks with the military and the military sees how many people are getting the tuition assistance for that semester. In the end a certain percentage of everyone's schooling is paid for. Before I decided how much money to put in my school fund I thought about how much usually gets paid. I didn't want to have to worry about being short and then not having enough. In looking back I figured out that the military has never really paid less than 85% of their student's tuition, but to be safe I went with 80%. So I went to calculating. I seen how much my tuition for this semester was and figured what part the military was paying if they paid 80%, and I would put the rest in my school fund. That figure came to be $500, and that is if they just paid 80% but they normally pay more, so I was safe. This process takes well into the semester so that is also why I like to save up early. In the past when I have needed to enroll for the next semester the military gives us our money a couple of days before we can enroll, and then the school gives us our balance. If you don't pay that by enrollment time, you can't enroll. That has stunk before because I have needed certain classes, and you can only enroll on certain days for a week so it was important to me to save my money so that once the military paid their share, I could go right in and pay mine too. This isn't the case since I do not need to enroll next semester, but I was just wanting to get my last semester paid for on time and be done! :)

Well I got my $500 dollars set aside by the beginning of August and I was so pleased with myself. I was also so thankful that God gave me the job opportunity, and that I used the money wisely. A couple of weeks ago I got an email from the school saying that they were estimating that the military was only going to pay 73% this semester. I was bummed! I was thinking "oh no, now I need to be putting a little more money into my fund because $500 wasn't going to be enough!" I ended up putting a little more in but then haven't gotten a chance since, just with other bills and stuff. For some reason I wasn't really worried about it, and now I know why. It was God's peace. As I left a friends house today I checked my email. I had a message from my school saying that the military money was going to hit our accounts today so check around 5:00 p.m. to see your new balance. And the best part.... the military is paying 93.75% of my tuition! Praise GOD! I was so excited to read this!

I was preparing for 73%, hoping for more, but God gave above and beyond what I was even thinking! I was giving myself a good cushion with 80% in August, and so proub of myself that I was getting the most out of my job opportunity and saving money, and it seems like now God was pleased too. He even blessed me!

I pray now that I am able to put the extra money I have where God wants me to put it. He is a great provider!

Its that time of year again

So I figured I haven't written a fun post yet and its about time I do :)

In case you don't know Kansas basketball starts tonight, and I am a HUGE Jayhawk fan! So of course at 7:00 tonight I will be in front of a T.V. closed off from the rest of the world. Tonight and next Tuesday are just exhibition games, but still I am excited to see what this year will bring. KU lost a good amount of great players last season so I am not expecting too much. But good or bad, I stand by KU at all times! :)

I have been a KU fan since I can remember. My mom used to watch the games when I was little and so I remember seeing some of them with her. Then we just got busy and I wasn't able to really watch them. I remember being in high school during my sophmore year and I met a girl who was a die hard KU fan. During Spanish class she would talk about the players and who she liked on the team. If you are a KU fan, then I am sure you remember Jeff Boschee. Yes, many girls thought he was very cute, reguardless of his baskbetball abilities. Anyways it was during that year that I really got back into watching the Jayhawks. It was cool to see the game, and then come to class and talk about what happened and sharing our frustrations if they lost. Just to help you out that, means I have watched KU play every year for about 9 years now! I am sure there are many people who have kept up with them for longer, but that is still a long time to me.

"Late Night in the Phog" is probably favorite event that kicks off the basketball season at KU. This event is free to the public, but to get good seats you need to be there early. I have waited in line for 5 hours before just to get a good seat to this event. Crazy, I know! Late Night is a fun night with skits by the men and women's basketball teams, watching the mascots, Baby and Big Jay play around, some past basketball players do some skits, and ends with a highlight video of basketball since the beginning at KU, and a montage of games played while remembering all the players. The team also does a scrimmage and it is good to see what the season will bring and the new freshman.The atmosphere in the fieldhouse is amazing and so great. I love being there, surrounded by all the other people who are ready to support the Jayhawks during the upcoming season.

Me and my friend Kaci waiting for the Jayhawks at Billard

Sasha Kaun

Assistant Coach-Danny Manning (previously played for KU)

Head Coach- Bill Self

Assistant Coach- KurtisTownsend

Me and Russell Robinson

Me and Tyrel Reed 

Brady Morningstar! #12 :)

Wayne Simeon

 Brandon Rush

Mario Chalmers (I dont think anyone really knows him ;) )

I have many more pictures but that would be a lot to put up! I have been to many Late Nights, seen them land at Billard airport, watch pretty much every game and more. All in all I LOVE KANSAS JAYHAWKS!

Game Plan

This weekend my church, Good News, put on a production titled Game Plan. This is the second year that we have put it on, and I must say it was better than last year! It was still good last year, but many people will agree that this year was the best. It started on Saturday night with a tailgating party between friendship groups. Now I am not much for competition, but this year was really smooth and the overall atmosphere was great! Everyone had a good time mingling within groups, and playing some football with the kids. Now if you're wondering why we had a tailgating party, I will explain that in a bit. Sunday was the second day of the show and it went on during church. Some productions we have done two weekends, but this one is just the one weekend.
Game Plan stars a coach named Dave Ile, and his assistant coaches, Powers, and Pain. In case you didn't get it Dave Ile is, Devil. This production uses the football analogy to explain the Devil and his demons as a team against God and their strategic plans to lure God's people away from Him. During the play Coach Ile mentions that he and his team will not stop at anything to win their "game". They will win at all costs! It is very creepy! Coach Ile, Powers and Pain talk throughout the play about how they will use lust, insecurities, doubts, isolation, negativity,and positions of authority to corrupt people's minds and try to get them to fall away from God. In the end, Coach Ile gets his team ready for battle and they all storm off in rage. I wish you could have been there because it was a real eye opener!

I know that it was a great production, but it also makes you think. This is REAL! Yes, maybe the devil doesn't use football analogies, but I know that he has his pack of demons that he sends out to watch and lure each and every one of us in any little way, away from God. How scary is that! I mean he never rests.

1 Peter 5:8 says "Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." The devil doesn't need to use new tricks, many times we fall from the same things over and over. He also doesn't make it known that it is him who is working. He is patient, and malicious, he believes that the best way to hell "is a soft slope, easy on the feet".

So who knows your weaknesses even better than you? Your enemy! But who can help you overcome him? GOD! 1 John 4:4 "My dear children, you come from God and belong to God. You have already won a big victory over those false teachers, for the Spirit in you is far stronger than anything in the world." Now I don't know about you but I find that very encouraging!! It is so good to know that God is on my side! Even with my weaknesses, He will pick me back up, dust me off, and make me stronger.

This production was great and I am glad that God is out there fighting for me when I can't fight for myself. Do not fear, for God is with you, but be aware that the enemy is out there. He is real.

John 14:1

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me." I write verses on note cards and put them on the bathroom mirror for my mom and I to look at and memorize. Tonight my mom said this as we were saying goodnight and I just wanted to cry. She said it at just the right time and I needed to hear it. I am looking forward to a good night's sleep holding onto God. Trying hard to let go and trust in Him for everything. I thought I'd share this. I figured if I needed to hear it I am sure someone else does too. God's peace be with you too!

A new perspective

It is amazing what things God puts on your mind when you don't have much to think about. Thursday's and Friday's are my days to focus on cleaning the house so that when the weekend gets here there is not much to do. Vacuuming is probably my least favorite thing to do, but I usually put in my headphones and listen to music to make it more enjoyable. Today however I was trying to catch up on the Biggest Loser so I put my computer on pause and decided just to run the vacuum without music. Then my mind starts to go. Times like these I do like to talk to God, think about the past week, or what I have to do next. I am sure that many of us have downtime like that where we think about certain things. And of course I am a woman so it happens many times throughout the day.
Today God had me thinking about gifts. Last week my brother came in from out of town and I was pretty edgy. We all chipped in to get my sister a new washer because hers broke down. That was all fine, but it got me to thinking about gifts and what they really mean. This is a surprise even to me because I am a BIG gift person. I listen very carefully to pick up hints on anything that my family, or friends want so that when Christmas, or birthdays come up I have the perfect idea. I believe that this came from my dad. When I was growing up my dad didn't spend much time with me. I can see now that I longed for time with him, and that that is what I NEEDED, but not getting it for so long extinguished that fire. It was replaced with the fact that "Daddy can't be here, but here is a gift instead. This is how daddy's show love." I grew up knowing that my dad would mainly give me anything I wanted, all I had to do was ask. This lead to me not having a good view of my dad because I wanted him just for things. We didn't have the best relationship, but I know now he was doing the best he could do. However, a girl needs her father's attention, not gifts as a replacement. What good is a gift in memories? Sure I remember things that my dad gave me, but was that gift at my track meets in school? Was that gift cheering me on during my tennis matches? That gift didn't comfort me when I cried, it didn't read me bedtime stories, nor did it encourage me at times I excelled. More importantly, the gifts do not replace the fact that my dad chose to not be apart of my life anymore. It was not a fair trade. Its not like everything is ok now because as long as I have the gifts my dad gave me I am set for life. No, I still needed him to be there physically.
To be honest all this ran through my head in about 5 minutes. It is like God turned on a switch in my life that I needed to see and now was the perfect time. I love to give gifts. Or should I say loved? I can see now that gifts do not replace the person, and they do not show someone you love them as much as spending time with them. I don't want to do to people what my dad showed and done to me. Maybe it was the best he could do, but it is not the best I can do. I didn't realize that I was giving gifts to replace my time. But that is what my family and friends need most. My attention and to know that I am there spending time with them. I am sure I will still give gifts, but my outlook of them will be totally different. I want to be the one there making memories with them. This is the love people need.
This has been a real revelation for me and I am so thankful to God! I have wondered ever since I read the 5 love languages book why my love language was gifts. I always wondered why they were so important to me and that book helped me hold onto an excuse. Not that gifts could not be a good love language for some people, but I just felt that "Oh here is a book that says gifts are ok, so I must be ok". I can see now that gifts was not my first love language, but one that was pushed on me when quality time wasn't met. Thank you God for your amazing love and for opening yet another part of me up!

Fall Retreat 2011

This past weekend was one to remember! Our church packed up our youth and youth leaders to go to everyone's favorite youth event....FALL RETREAT! This retreat is different than our other events because it allows us to spend one and one time together, play games, focus on God, and grow as a youth group. It kicked off Saturday morning with bus games as we were on our was to Elmdale, Kansas. This is in the Flint Hills, which is pretty at times. Maybe it's just me but I am not one to brag about Kansas plains and hills, but I am sure it can be pretty at certain times. I am more of a mountains and ocean type girl. I cannot get enough pictures of them! However if you give me plains covered in snow I would be in heaven!:) Anyways he bus games were fun and a great way to kick off our weekend and get in the mood of spending all our time together. Once we got to the YMCA camp we unloaded luggage, found our rooms, ate lunch, and started playing community group games. This was the first time that we were grouped by who our community was. This was great for me because I love the girls I work with. Dont get me wrong, they can be a handful at times, but not only am I there to help them but they really open my eyes to things as well. It is very much a two-way relationship, and I was so happy to get to spend all that time growing with them. I am sorry I do not have picture of the games or camp, but I am without a camera right now and have no idea when I will get another one. The main part of this blog is not just about the great games we played anyways. Yes they were great, but this trip was even better because of the message that was shared. I could tell that we were doing well because the enemy seemed to be attacking us. On Saturday night our youth pastor felt that God was telling him to challenge us to put God first back into our lives. This really hit home for me because I have been struggling with doing that a bit lately. I know that I am able to put God first in my life and not worry about other things because I have done that before. And while that is good, it being just me and God, I know I should have friendships. Also, on the other end I am sure we all know how easy it is to put other things, and people in front of God and forget about him. Those things are both on each end of the spectrum. For a long time I felt like I have been taking the easy way out. I pick one end or the other. I have felt that it is just easier that way. One way is better since I am spending more time with God, but he did not say to not have anything else in my life. I felt like God was telling me that choosing the easy way out, even if it is Him at times, is not what He wants me to do. I heard Him tell me that I need to learn how to balance my life putting Him first, and then everything else second, but still having them. This has been really hard for me. Some days I feel that when I need to have a relationship with God first that this means reading your Bible for chapters at a time, then journaling, listening to music while worshiping Him, and talking about Him every change you get. For me I feel like this is a checklist and unless I do all of it everyday, than I am not putting Him first, so how could I have time for anyone else? This weekend helped me really put into perspective that that is not what He wants me to do. He does want my attention, but that is not the way He wants it. He wants to spend time talking to me throughout the day, reading my Bible here and there, worshiping when I can and journaling when I can as well. It doesn't mean doing everyhing at once, but maybe one a day and a couple of other things throughout the week. And when I am with my friends? Take Him with me. Not every conversation, but some here and there. Not to mention a godly attitude. I know this is long and I am hoping it makes sense, but it took me all weekend focusing on this and really getting at what God wanted me to do. While it will be hard, I need to really learn what is His voice and what isn't. Sometimes the easy way isn't the best way. More importantly I felt like I needed to learn this now because what would happen once I get married? I can't just choose God always and ignore my husband, or choose my husband and forget about God. I will have to know how to balance them both because that is a relationship God puts together. With that I am starting to feel more at ease, but I know it will take some work on my part. I pray that God shows me when to be with Him, and when I can be with my friends and that I can learn a good balance. That was not the only time we all got together to pray for each other but I was so thankful for that night. After our session was over we played night games and ended with a bonfire. This was great, but also where things just kept happening. We found out earlier that day that the breaks went out on the bus we drove to get there and that parts might not be able to come for it until Monday. While our youth pastor and pastor were on top of that figuring out a solution to bring all of us home another youth leader went to the hospital. We are not really sure exactly what happened yet, but she spent the night at the hospital putting her out of the rest of the trip. Including growing with her community group. One of our other leaders woke up with a migrane, and with another getting back late from taking care of the other at the hospital it was just a crazy Sunday. I couldn't believe that all happened. We were able to have generous people from church drive their vehicles to come pick us up, and we were so thankful for that. In the midst of all that went on attitudes and growing closer together still occured. It could have been a stressful time, but it wasn't too bad. God had a plan and He knew what was going to happen. He did not give us more than we could handle and he protected us the whole time. There were some bumps, but God was with us. He kept us safe and sound. For me it is just another God filled adventure that I will remember with Fusion Youth!

Update!

I know that I haven't written a blog post in a while and I feel like I am long overdue! Considering I dont have many followers yet I am pretty sure the people who will read this probably know what is going on in my life because they are my close friends! :) I hope to get more followers though so I know that I need to be writing blogs. I think what goes on in my head is that unless the blog is long, and about something important or something that really hit me hard I dont feel like I have anything good to write about. That sounds bad thought because God has blessed me soooo much since my last blog, so it is not that I have nothing great to write about, I have plenty! God is good! I used to write poems in jr high and high school. I feel that I am a good writer when I want to be and that it is a little bit of a calling I have. Sad thing is I haven't written in so long, not just blogs, that I am afriad I do not know how to do it anymore. Maybe I am not as good as I used to be. I used to be more open about my feelings many years ago. It was easy to put my feelings into poem form, or cry to a song that really touched me. However many events happend in my life to shut down my emotions and my mind. I know that it is only because of God in my life that I am where I am today. He has opened me up even better than I thought before. I am still learning to be myself and who I truly am, but it is a fun journey. I didnt think that this blog would end up where it is now but I guess I did have something to say. I am sorry that it is a bit scattered, and maybe doesn't make much sense but I just needed to write. I am going to try to write about once a week no matter what. Some days I may have something great, other days may just be fun or funny. However I am inviting you into my life and mind because I know this will be really good for me. I look forward to really starting my blog and getting back to being a writer. I am sure I will get better with time, so don't look for too much too soon from me. Thanks for reading!~

God ALWAYS provides continued...

Praise God!! He has done so much for me since my last blog post, and I am excited to share it! I mentioned that our church was doing a Freedom Challenge until August, and God had put a specific amount on my heart to be giving every month. This was a stretch the first time because I did not know where the money would be coming from but, He came through! From then on I am happy to say that God has each time EXCEEDED that amount! I dont know where is has been coming from or why I havent been able to give this amount before the challenge, but I do not want to question it. Every time I receive I give some to God and He has given me the chance to stay true to my Freedom Challenge and go beyond it! He is amazing!
The next part of this post brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. The youth at my church have been planning to go to Mexico for a while now. We leave tomorrow actually and I am soo excited! Let me start from the beginning. I went to Mexico in October and knew that the youth would be going again in June and I wanted to go. I asked our youth pastor and he wasn't sure if I would be able to go at first, but then the middle of March he asked if I was still interested. I definitely was, but I had not been saving the money because I did not think I was going afterall. Knowing that I still wanted to go and needed to give a fast answer I prayed to God and made sure it was ok that I go. I did not get a real clear answer because I felt like He was saying yes, but I also felt that it was just me tellign myself yes because I wanted to go. Part of me also felt guilty becasue I did not ask Him sooner and here I was needing an answer right away so I felt I did not give Him enough time. The youth had begun saving money before me and there were money deadlines set up that I wasnt sure if I could make. Our youth pastor is super great though and told me not to worry about the deadlines and just get the money when I can. I was able to save up all but about $107 in two months. That is amazing considering it cost $1500 to go to Mexico. I know that I was only able to get that money through God and His help! I was also able to get ahead on my bills because I knew with youth camp coming up I was not going to be working much the month of June. So here we are the weekend before I am ready to leave and I am just sort of doubting. I know that all but $107 is great, I mean God gave me $1,393 in two months but I was still feeling like maybe I heard God wrong. I just felt that if God wanted me to go to Mexico He would have given me all the money. I talked to my brother about it and he was telling me that I should be ok and not doubt because God still gave me so much and that I can't just look at the bad side. That did make me feel better and I started packing and gettting things ready. I knew that I needed to go shopping for some things to take and  I had some money saved up but not a lot. Again I was feeling so discouraged. I felt like "if this is taking so much money from me maybe I am not supposed to go. Maybe I should have said no." This morning I was going to pick up some last minute things and I called the youth pastor to talk to him about something for the trip. When I was done he told me that he was giving me a check I wrote back because he calculated the trip and everything and it came to be that I didn't need to pay so much. I could not believe it!! The amount I was getting back was $503!!! Praise God! I wanted to just cry right then! God DID give me the amount I needed for Mexico. He loves to work things out for us at the last minute and here it is the day before I leave for Mexico! I am now able to take money to Mexico and just rest easy about the money I have and what I needed to get to take. It just again shows me how much God provides for me and cares about all of my concerns. It is like He just wanted me to see how far I would go to trust Him and lean on Him. I truly feel now that God does want me to go to Mexico and that it will be a life changing experience! I know that I will be blessed and that our team will be used to bless others!

God ALWAYS provides...

Last September I took Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace class. I dont know if you have heard of it before, or have taken it, but it was just what I needed. I am not saying that some people don't do well with budgets on their own, but some people, like me, need help and a little push. Being a full time student, and working as much as my school work allows, I didn't think that I would be able to keep a budget well with not much income. Plus I was not excited to see how much "fun money" I would not be getting anymore. Of course, God proved me wrong! Not only am I doing well with my budget, I am still able to do most of what I want to do or get things I like. I have cut back on spending some because I did need to be more disiplined, not that I was a crazy spender, but just felt it was what I needed to do. I was living on working two days a week last semester and the money I was earning with the military. But God gave me more then enough for my bills, and even more with Christmas coming up! I was super blessed and realized how much God was showing me that HE will always provide me with what I need and more!
Well, last week was our annual business meeting at our church. Our pastor Gordon was talking about how we need to take the next step with our giving. We have been "living" paycheck to paycheck with our church bills and have not come out on top with much. He challeged us to talk to God and pray about a goal amount to give by the month of August. With this on my mind it came time for the offering. I know how much I had in my God budget to give, however this was not the amount God told me. I do what our pastor says and "give when you recieve" and I am very pleased with myself for that. I add it all up and by the beginning of the month I write a check out for the amount I accumulated. This time, God wanted me to give more. I heard Him tell me an amount and I pushed it aside, thinking it was just me. A little later the same amount was still in my head as I was filling out the check. A couple in our church have shared a little about their finances lately and how God has come though. With that in mind I told God "Ok God, I dont know where the rest of this money is coming from, but if You are telling me to do this I am ready for the blessing and to see what is going to happen." I trusted in God, and wrote out the amount. Earlier this week while I was budgeting, I was looking at how much money I didn't have, what bills needed to be paid, which paycheck was coming in next. I went online to check my account balance again, and it had went up! I had gotten some money last Friday. I did not know it was coming so soon, and I did not think it was going to be the amount it was. I just looked at it in awe. The awesome thing is that I seen that right after the money was put in my account, my offering check went through. PERFECT timing! I just thought to myself "Thanks so much God!" That is not all, you know how God likes to provide us with more, just to show us He loves us?! :) Well back to my budget. I have been saving for tax time. I work at the daycare at my church, and because of that, we dont get certain taxes taken out. You have to ask for more to be taken out yourself. For the past three years I have owed money. I knew that 2011 would not be any different, but at least this time I was saving up. I dropped my taxes off yesterday and later on that evening my mom got a call from the lady who works them and got my amount. I was getting money back! Again I was thinking Praise God! That means that I get to keep the money I had been saving for my taxes, and getting more! How awesome! God just didnt stop with giving me more than enough money for the offering I wrote, but He also blessed me again.
That just got me to thinking today about how I feel God is telling me "Rachael, right now THIS is where I need you to be." I have applied for 3 different jobs since December, and ironically not one of them has worked out. I havent even received a " We found someone else for the position..." letter. The last interview I had I felt I could have gotten the job, but I didnt really want it. I weighed the pros and cons and I felt I would only be taking it for the money. All the while feeling like I was betrying God's trust, like I thought He wouldn't keep providing for me like He did last semester. I mean surely I would have to be a "big girl" sometime and get a "real" job. And maybe I will someday, when and if God wants me to, but I know that it's just not now. It is the most amazing feeling I have! I just feel like I can be happy where I am now. I know THIS is what God has for me and I love it!
One more thing, I must say I do feel like for me something is coming. I dont know what, where, when, but I know that what I am living right now is preparing me for something in the future and I am excited to see what it is. I also know that God is working in my friend's lives as well. Over the last couple of months I have seen changes in them, and I am so happy for them!! I am so thankful that God has put them in my life, and I feel we are all discovering ourselves together and living for God. God provided me with the friends I needed as well as everything else. You know who you are ladies, and I am so BLESSED to have you in my life. Words cannot discribe how much I love you and am excited for what God has for you. I am so glad we are growing and challenging each other!

My Reflection

Hello blogging world! I never thought I would actually be blogging! Not that it is a bad thing, I just did not really think about it being for me. Anyways,  I should give credit and thanks to a very good friend for suggesting that I start. She has known me for a part of my journey, and feels that it will help me be who I truly want to be. Let me explain.
There is a song by Christina Aguilera titled "Reflection". You may have heard of it from a Disney movie called Mulan. From the first time I heard this song I knew it was describing exactly how I was feeling. Here are the lyrics.
Look at me you may think you see who I really am but, you'll never know me. Every day its as if I play a part. Now I see if I wear a mask I can fool the world but, I cannot fool my heart. Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me? When will my reflection show who I am inside. I am now in a world where I have to hide my heart, and what I believe in. But somehow I will show the world whats inside my heart and be loved for who I am.Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me? Why is my reflection someone I dont know? Must I pretend that I'm someone else for all time, when will my reflection show who I am inside. Theres a heart that must be free to fly that burns with a need to know the reason why, why must we all conceal what we think , how we feel. Must there be a secret me I'm forced to hide. I wont pretend that I'm someone else for all time. When will my relfection show who I am inside.
I look back now and think, wow that is pretty sad for a little girl to be feeling like that at a young age. But I did. That song was the story of my life up until very recently. Most of my life I did feel that I was who everyone else wanted me to be. When I would show my true self, I felt as if it was wrong to be the way I was because of the responses I would recieve. I have spent many night crying while listening to this song. Wondering when I would be able to be my true self. When my reflection really would show who I was inside.
Then I started prayer partnering. If you do not know what that is let me inform you. Prayer partnering is when you find someone who has been trained to pray with people. This person listens to your prayer time with God and assists you when you get stuck, or are feeling a certain way. Most of the time the person in need of prayer is praying through something that made them upset, memories, or other items God is talking to them about. It is a very difficult process, but also very rewarding. In the end you start to figure out a little bit more that God reveals to you, or the past He is healing you from. I have a wonderful friend who is my prayer partner and I do not know where I would be without her! She has been there with me through it all and I am very blessed that God sent her to me. Through prayer partnering I was able to heal from hurts of my past, memories, and other things that I am sure I will share with you in another post. Prayer partnering has helped heal me in amazing ways because God wanted me to be who I truly am.
Now that Reflection is no longer a sad song for me, I chose to use it as my blog name because that is what I want to show. I want to show people who I truly am. I know that I had to find that out for myself first before I could even begin to show other people. It was a long journey, but God was guiding me the whole way!